The Epic Summer for Reflecting on Uncommonly Great Beginnings After Divorce

Hot summer! The season for having great things to do with children off school. When you’re going through a divorce, an epic summer is just what you need with the children. It’s an opportunity for a lot of reflection. First things first. Get over the preparation.

You need to work with your spouse on the details of your summer activities. Don’t ruin your summer trip with calls from your spouse. Calls inquiring about where you are and what you’re doing with the children. Get organized.

7 Tips to Having A Great Summer With the Kids and Avoiding a Contentious Divorce Process

Here are some tips to help you survive your summertime with the children and your soon-to-be divorce process.

[ 1 ]  Brainstorm ideas for activities with children. Think about doing things on their own and doing things with you. You’re supposed to be with them so be part of the activities. This summer is for you also.

[ 2 ]  Outline your trips and activities on this trip and have a schedule. Needless to say, do this way ahead of time since you need to prepare for them. List down what you need to bring with you and who will be with you in parts of the trip and activities.

[ 3 ]  Mapped out schedules that are not overlapping with your spouse’s time with the children. If you ruin your spouse’s schedule with the kids, this can reflect on you. It can be a point against you later.

[ 4 ]  Inform your spouse about your summer activities with your children. Better yet have it on paper or email it with information about where to get in touch with you. You don’t want to start your divorce process on the wrong foot by setting your spouse up in a fighting mood. Be fair. Your spouse is still a parent to your children.

[ 5 ]  Avoid social media. Take lots of pictures but don’t post them on social media. You don’t know how your spouse will react to your children’s pictures on social media. You don’t know how the court will react either. Be on the good side and keep the pictures for yourself. Avoiding social media has another benefit. It avoids inviting criminals and predators as stalkers while you are on a trip.

[ 6 ]  Avoid discussing divorce with the children if you can and if you have a negative perception of your spouse. You may end up disparaging your spouse. You can end up defending yourself later if the court hears about it. There will always be a proper time for discussing divorce.

[ 7 ]  Keep the bond between parents. Your spouse will be an ex-spouse soon enough. Don’t forget that you will always be a parent. Respect that bond. Protect it. The court is focused on protecting it and will punish you if you think otherwise. Don’t be on the wrong side of the judicial system.

You are unique. You are special. What you are about to experience in your divorce process will be unique to you and to your family. You can use this moment to collect yourself and think about how to prepare for your divorce. Form a vision of how you want your divorce to be. The courts take divorce on a case-to-case basis. So will your lawyer.

4 Tips to Making Your Divorce Go Smoothly

While you’re in a reflective mood, it is best to think about how to make your divorce go smoothly. The key is to make the whole experience less contentious for you and your spouse. Take the lead in the process. Work with your lawyer. You want to have a semblance of control over the process.

[ 1 ]  Be clear and purposeful in your communication. Avoid using your mouth as a punching glove. Use it to inform and clarify. Listen to understand, not reply. 

[ 2 ]  Keep your emotions in check. It is not just to avoid a fight but because it will reflect badly on you as a spouse and as a parent. Your behavior can be taken against you later. Seek a therapist if you have to. Keep your pain from driving you to lash out. Talk to someone preferably a professional.

[ 3 ]  Keep the best interest of your children in mind always. You focus on your children in your decision-making and action. The court will be on your side. So, never use your children as leverage.

[ 4 ]  Use the rules and divorce process as a tool to get through the divorce quickly and cost-effectively. Don’t use it to punish your spouse for past transgressions. Doing so will make it contentious. It prolongs the process and increases legal costs.

Don’t get lost in your emotions. Focus on facts. See the divorce process like a business transaction you need to finish so you can move forward. The courts are focused on the best interest of the children. They will be focused on what is fair and equitable for you and your spouse. Don’t get sidetracked by the drama of it all.

Neither the courts in Michigan nor those in any other state are biased against either gender. The parents resolve these disagreements in child custody themselves. They are not even being considered by the judges. If you are currently pursuing a divorce, your goal should be to avoid a trial. Out-of-court settlements are reached in 98% of divorce cases. Avoid litigation and confrontation by finding a peaceful solution to your disagreement. 90% of child custody cases were resolved amicably. Data from 2018 shows that in 79.9% of these agreements, women were selected as the main caregivers. The decision to do this was made by all the parents, not the judge.

Go back to that calm reflection about your divorce. 

Don’t forget it’s summer. You either are experiencing the heat or having fun.

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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.