Parents should ideally agree on the times they can spend with their kids. However, certain changes at home or in the classroom may compel parents to adjust their plans in order to take into account those changes taking place around the child. These could also imply adjustments to the schedules of the parents’ various jobs or businesses. The court must be informed of any changes in circumstances, together with any attempts to modify parenting time to take these developments into account.

Click here to watch the video on Reasons To Change Parenting Time

Changes or circumstances that don’t occur frequently in the lives of the child or the parent may not interest the court too much. A mediator can be chosen to resolve this dispute if the parents are unable to reach an agreement. To change parenting time, you would need to ask your attorney to submit a request.

Some Truths About Parenting Time You Need To Know

There is no established plan for parenting time. At the request of either one or both parents, the judge may alter it. Either the Plaintiff or the Defendant in the ongoing family dispute may be the parent who submits a motion to modify parenting time. The moving party is the parent who is filing a motion or complaint. The Respondent is the other parent.

Depending on the sought adjustment, the judge will decide whether to modify an existing parenting time order.

Look at your court order’s provisions first if you wish to alter your parenting time schedule. The parenting time schedule in your court order may include specified times when each parent has the child or children. The ruling may also simply state that there will be fair or regular parenting time. The parents must agree on the specifics of the timetable after having reasonable parenting time. Dates, times, and any other terms relating to acceptable parenting time shall be determined by agreement of both parents.

If you presently have adequate parenting time but are unable to settle on a timetable or if you wish to alter a previously established specified schedule, you may want to adjust parenting time.

For parents who need to develop a parenting time schedule, the “Parenting Time Guideline” produced by the Friend of the Court Bureau is a useful tool. Sample schedules are included in the guideline that you may use as a place to start. Additionally, it contains details about how parenting time relates to the developmental needs of kids at various ages. The Guidelines cover a variety of themes, including how to handle domestic abuse situations, parenting time with a prison-bound parent, and long-distance parenting arrangements.

Check to see if the other parent of your child will accept the change. You do not need to file anything with the court if your current parenting time arrangement is appropriate and the other parent is on board with the adjustment. Even if the other parent is in agreement, the judge must nevertheless provide his or her approval if your order specifies a parenting time plan. Until a new order is signed by the judge, a schedule-based order is in force.

Without filing a motion, the court can be asked to sign a proposed order if both parents agree to alter a particular parenting time arrangement. If the judge doesn’t request one, there won’t be a court hearing.

You can submit a Motion Regarding Parenting Time in your family case if the other parent does not consent to the modification you desire. A valid reason or a change in circumstances must exist for the judge to reevaluate parenting time. Depending on the type of change you request, different things count as proper cause or a change in circumstances. It will be more difficult to demonstrate than if you ask for a smaller modification if the quantity of parenting time you desire truly affects custody rather than parenting time.

Common Reasons to Change Parenting Time

During your divorce processes, it’s crucial to establish and uphold child custody and visitation schedules, but in reality, things change through time. While the “best interest of the kid” is at the center of custody and  parenting time agreements, those interests change as your child’s circumstances change. Changes in parenting time also accompany life changes.

When your children get older, their interests and hobbies will differ from those at the time of your divorce. Your visitation schedule might need to be adjusted according to the changes in their lives.

The Michigan court will constantly take “the best interest of the kid” into account and strive to establish a secure, nurturing environment.

Here are some of the common reasons for changing parenting time.

Change in Circumstances

You must demonstrate a change in circumstances justifying this modification if you want the court to grant an order modifying visits. A major change that has a significant impact on the circumstances surrounding the child’s custody since the last custody agreement constitutes a change in circumstances. Even though Michigan courts have shifted to a more lenient standard for changing visiting arrangements, hiring a qualified attorney is essential to protecting your rights. A court order modification will help protect your rights and determine what is in your child’s best interest if you and the custodial parent are unable to cooperate.

Custodial Parent Moves

The custodial parent could occasionally want to relocate. The visitation schedule will be significantly changed as a result. The following factors will be taken into account by the court when deciding whether to allow a parental relocation up to 100 miles away from the child’s residence or to another state:

• Will the parent and child’s quality of life be improved by the move?
• Are the current parenting time opportunities practical and maintain the bond between the parents?
• Is the non-custodial parent putting up a fight against the move to gain financial leverage over ongoing child support obligations?
• Has visitation been followed, or is the custodial parent asking for the move attempting to thwart the parent who wants to visit?
• Are orders for substitute visitation likely to be followed by the custodial parent?
• Is domestic abuse a problem?

Requests for parental relocation are challenging to find, implement, challenge, and avoid. You can work with the court to establish what is in your child’s best interests with the aid of an experienced attorney.

Liberal and Reasonable Visitation

While on the surface it sounds like a great approach for the parents to sort out visiting challenges as they come up, the court may on occasion award the non-custodial parent “liberal and reasonable visitation,” but this could cause more annoyance than a set visitation plan. It could be prudent to bring this matter to the court’s notice if you and the other party are always fighting over what “liberal and reasonable visitation” entails. The court may intervene if you believe you should have weekend visits every week and no weekday visits, whereas the custodial parent believes every other weekend visits and no weekday visits are fair and reasonable.

Change of Visitation or Custody Hours

The court established precise custody and visitation plans at the time of your divorce. In practice, parents frequently change these arrangements. The parents will modify the court’s schedule if there are any work-related concerns or if there is an event. Things go well when both parents are ready to make this work. when one parent refuses to follow the court’s orders or makes it difficult or impossible for the other parent to comply with their visitation schedule. The court should get involved, for instance, if you are given visitation every other weekend but the custodial parent prevents you from seeing your child.

Any of the above reasons can put a proposed change in parenting time justifiable but it must always be argued in the context of the best interest of the child to be considered by the court. 

How Is Parenting Time Modifications Decided

One or both parents may ask the judge to alter it. A schedule for parenting time is not fixed in stone. In the ongoing family law proceeding, the parent who files a move to modify parenting time may be either the Plaintiff or the Defendant. The moving party is the term for this parent. Respondent refers to the other parent.

Depending on the type of modification requested, the judge will decide whether to alter an existing parenting time order.

Step 1: The Judge Determines Whether the Motion Can Be Considered in 

You must understand when court starts altering parenting time, they are aware it could result in any of the following:

[a] Alter the established custodial environment (ECE) for your child.

[b] Modify the frequency or duration of parenting time.

[c] Add, modify, or eliminate a parenting time requirement such as supervision or drug tests.

Step 2: The Judge Evaluates the Best Interests of the Child

The judge will determine whether it is in your child’s best interests to adjust parenting time to what you or the other parent wanted if the case moves past the preliminary stage. The Michigan Child Custody Act’s best interest considerations will be taken into account as the judge evaluates the evidence put forth by both parents and applies the proper standard of proof. The judge may also take parenting time considerations into account.

If the parenting time modification will affect the ECE, the court will require clear and convincing evidence the changes to parenting time is in the best interest of the child. If the requested change does not affect the ECE, the court will only require preponderance of the evidence.

When working with your attorney in citing the best interest of the child for the justification to change parenting time, remember this.

Because the clear and convincing rule requires more evidence than the preponderance standard does, it is more difficult to persuade a judge to adjust parenting time if the change would have an impact on the ECE. If the requested parenting time changes will not affect the ECE, the standard of proof the court will require is just preponderance of the evidence.

The judge must take the child’s best interests into account even if the change would not have an impact on the ECE. However, the judge should only take into account the factors that are related to the disagreements between the parents.

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Threats can have a variety of meanings to different people. If you believe that the threats that have been made against your child in connection with a custody dispute are justified. Be sure to reconsider. If a kid doesn’t finish their homework or gets a C in class, a parent can threaten to take away their video games or their telephones. Those are the kinds of threats that are in the child’s best interests, even though the court may not give them much consideration. The court will seriously examine threats that could harm or injure the child physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Click here to watch the video on Threats Being Made To My Child During Custody Case

Threats against children are interpreted differently by the courts. Parents must consider everything from the viewpoint of the child’s best interests, as courts will always advocate. It is viewed as a threat to the child’s safety if any of the factors are subverted for particular reasons. If you want to have a fair hearing about threats made against your child, consider the best interest factors first the next time you wish to consider threats.

You have to avoid behavior with a high likelihood of being misunderstood such as speech or behavior when you admonish or punish your child. You also need to avoid being labeled unfit to be a parent.

What Monumental Mistakes To Avoid In Reprimanding or Admonishing Children

Disciplining our children is a prerogative of parents. We are sure you don’t want them to become “bad people” when they grow up. Because we all want our kids to grow up feeling confident and good about themselves, we might refrain from punishing them out of concern it will make them feel insecure. However, it’s crucial to reprimand inappropriate behavior, so striking a balance is a smart idea.

But here’s some cautionary advice. Granted we all agree discipline is necessary and we do have the right to enforce certain measures to instill discipline, we still need to be cautious as to what should actually happen before, during, and after we enforce discipline.

Here’s some things to avoid.

Not listening to your children.

Giving your child your full attention and demonstrating your concern is crucial. Pay attention to them as they recount what occurred. If they always act out when they are envious, this is a fantastic chance to talk to them about their emotions and coping techniques. This can also be an excellent approach to spot certain behavioral patterns.

Labeling your kids.

Children already feel hurt being admonished. Labels can hurt them even more. Saying things like “You’re a horrible girl” or “You’re a stupid boy” can have a negative impact on how your children view themselves, and children who feel bad about themselves are more likely to act out. Instead, be sure to distinguish between their actions and who they are as people. Remind them that they can still be excellent kids who just made a poor decision.

Ignoring recurring issues.

You can patiently assist your children in finding solutions to their issues. Encourage them to think more broadly by providing them with various points of view. This is quite useful for handling circumstances frequently causing problems for your kids. When their solutions are successful, you should congratulate them since it gives them a great sense of empowerment.

Not explaining problems or issues.

Children need to have a hint of the root of a problem. You can gently open the discussion by saying, “I know you didn’t mean to…,” which will convey to your child that you are aware of their good intentions despite their error. Then you can add a “but” and describe how their actions affected the situation. They are reminded they are not bad people by focusing on how their activities affect other people, and it may inspire them to consider the effects of their acts more carefully in the future.

Not moving forward after resolving an issue.

Children can’t change what they’ve done, so constantly reminding them of it might make them feel terrible about themselves. Dwelling on the past never helps anyone. Instead, you could assist them in developing a strategy for how they might put things right. Asking children questions like “What can you do to make them feel better?” may encourage kids to practice recognizing how to fix their errors.

Not making it about learning and focusing more on discipline.

Put learning, not punishment, at the center of your discipline. Give them a punishment for their behavior and let them know it’s for their own benefit to learn never to do that again. Tell them there will be opportunities for them to try again and improve in the future. Singling out one child can make them feel like a victim, therefore it’s important to punish everyone who was involved when it’s impossible to identify the offender.

Too much shouting or too many hurtful words.

There’s already too much scientific evidence suggesting the effect of verbal abuse and harsh words. According to research, screaming makes children feel terrified and insecure, which might make them act aggressively. The long-term impacts of insulting a child might include low self-esteem, anxiety, and violence. Though they may have misbehaved, your child will still feel loved and welcomed if you remain calm.

Too many public admonishments.

Don’t do it in public. Keep it at home. Try to reserve any punishment for the home environment. Scolding your child in front of others can make them feel ashamed, which might cause them to become socially awkward as they become older and harbor anger against their parents. Any parent wants to avoid this at all costs!

Not acknowledging improvements and achievements.

We’re afraid our children are growing fast. Actually, they are not. They grow in small increments, small moments in which you can turn into great or horrible memories. It’s important you teach your children they can delight you as a parent. You can see both their improvement and the effort they’ve put forth. Recognizing your child’s development or the person they’re “becoming” is really a unique present to give them. It shows them you still have faith in them despite how much they mess up.

The reason why we need to remind you to be conscious about your methods of discipline is because people or your ex can accuse you of being a threat to your children or label you an unfit parent.

You Don’t Want To Be Called An Unfit Parent

You don’t want to be labeled an “unfit parent”. It’s insulting, it hurts, and even when we know they might be right, it will still hurt to be labeled as one. The hard work that comes with being a parent is undeniable even for those who try and fail. It’s a job designed in 24-hour packages with no breaks.

If you are labeled as an unfit parent, you are a threat to your own child. You become the greatest threat to your child by your mere proximity.

What does an unfit parent look like, sound like or act like or don’t act like.

An unfit parent is one who, via their actions, fails to give their children the right direction, attention, or support. A parent will also be found unfit if they have a history of abuse, neglect, or drug misuse. Most often, Child Welfare Services are involved when a parent is determined to be unfit, and there may be a safety plan or an open, ongoing investigation against the parent.

Poor track record in child care.

All information relevant to child care should be exchanged, and both parents should have access to dependable child care. There should be a solid track record of ensuring the wellbeing of the kids. Additionally, each parent must be capable of caring for the child alone without assistance. When it comes to raising the kids, one parent shouldn’t rely too heavily on the other. A change in custody may be required if the child is continually dependent on help, whether it comes from the co-parent or other family members.

A personal history of substance abuse.

You can request a change in your custody arrangement if you have proof that one of the parent’s substance abuse problems is having an impact on the child. In order to protect the child’s safety, the court may issue orders restricting a parent’s use of a substance, even if it is lawful, like marijuana. The depth of the substance abuse can be determined by ordering substance abuse assessments.

A personal history of child abuse.

Child Protective Services or CPS’ frequent involvement in a parent’s home may indicate custody needs to change. Child Welfare Services may have conducted an extensive investigation into a home to determine whether or not abuse or neglect need to be established. They will provide an immediate safety plan if they have a concern, which you can present in court to request emergency custody orders. CPS Involvement is a crucial symptom to watch out for even though it isn’t always a sign because cases can occasionally be closed without an inquiry.

A predisposition to domestic violence.

You cannot treat the other parent cruelly or abuse him or her emotionally. Even if the child is just a mere witness to domestic abuse, it is still harmful. A parent finding himself or herself a victim of abuse can avail of resources. Courts have a range of resources or approaches in curtailing the incidence of domestic violence. The most common of these resources is a restraining order. Another option for the court is to order the abuser to take domestic violence classes. A corollary option is to impose psychotherapy for the abuser. Or, the court can simply modify the custody arrangement to reduce the interaction of the abuser with the abused parent or children. A child should never be allowed to watch passively domestic violence in action.

Failure in setting age appropriate limits.

Parents may not always agree on age-appropriate restrictions, but it may be a warning sign if one parent is tolerating extreme situations. A joint legal custody should be an opportunity to be making decisions jointly. They should be focusing and having some agreements as to what are age appropriate activities for their kids.

Failure to compromise and lack of ability to resolve conflict.

Co-parenting is difficult. Throughout the divorce, you must be reasonable and cooperative. Positive co-parenting requires a lot of effort on both parties’ parts, but it is possible. You must communicate and reach a compromise. Your child will sense it if one parent frequently disparages the other or if every choice is the subject of a dispute. One parent may be given decision-making authority under a new custody arrangement if there is insufficient cooperation and positive decision-making.

Lack of social activities involving children.

Social activities the child participates in with both parents are crucial because they foster positive interactions and memories. Parents must protect their kids from social issues that can have a detrimental effect on them. These socializing issues could be keeping them away from neighbors or their friends.  Their capacity for social interaction may also be hampered by frequent confinement indoors. A child may suffer if one parent disapproves of their participation in or their attendance at their child’s extracurricular activities.

Inability to foster a positive attitude towards children and the other parent.

The child should not be taught to despise the other parent since it is crucial that both parents support and promote good relationships between the child and each parent. Respect for the other parent must be fostered by each parent. Before visits, a child’s behavior or expressions of worry may be a clue that something has to be done to mend the relationship. It’s crucial to pay attention to the child’s input and take appropriate action. Both parents must act and communicate in a way that prevents the kids from feeling uneasy or fearful around the other parent.

Failing to understand and to respond to your child’s needs

Both parents must make their child feel heard and cared for. Both the child and the parents have a difficult time already navigating two different households. Whatever house they are in, it is crucial children feel they can actually communicate. A parent must react appropriately and seek assistance when required. All of these elements of a solid partnership are crucial.

Really, in the end, you just need to look after the best interests of your children. Your attorney is going to encourage you to do it. The court will find a way for you to make it happen.

You Can’t Go Wrong When You Have Best Interest In Mind

We’ve always been mentioning this here in our Legal Blog. If you want to know what is the best environment and circumstance for a child, always look into the twelve factors used as a basis for measuring how the best interest of a child is best served.

According to The 2018 edition of the Custody and Parenting Investigation Manual published by the Friend of the Court Bureau of the State Court Administrative Office explains these 12 Child Custody Factors for the benefit of investigation teams authorize to conduct investigations related to resolving custody and parenting time issues as embodied in MCL 722.23.

In instances involving minor children, judges take these twelve factors into account, particularly what is in the child’s best interests. The criteria may be applied in disputes over child custody, visitation rights, and guardianships of minors.

Based on the provisions of MCL 722.23 here are the twelve factors considered in determining the best interests of the child.

Factor (a): The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parties involved and the child.

Factor (b): The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to give the child love, affection, and guidance and to continue the education and raising of the child in his or her religion or creed, if any.

Factor (c): The capacity and disposition of the parties involved to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in place of medical care and other material needs.

Factor (d): The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment, and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

Factor (e): The permanence as a family unit of the existing or proposed custodial home or homes.

Factor (f): The moral fitness of the parties involved.

Factor (g): The mental and physical health of the parties.

Factor (h): The home, school, and community record of the child.

Factor (i): The reasonable preference of the child, if the court considers the child to be of sufficient age to express preference.

Factor (j): The willingness and ability of each of the parties to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, or the child and the parents. A court may not consider negatively for the purposes of this factor any reasonable action taken by a parent to protect a child or that parent from sexual assault or domestic violence by the child’s other parent.

Factor (k): Domestic violence, regardless of whether the violence was directed against or witnessed by the child.

Factor (l): Any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to a particular child custody dispute.

Parents may not always agree on the specifics of how to use parenting time. Since these factors will be used to look at both parents, they may have to learn to work together so both parents can get what they want, which is a fair amount of time to be with their kids. They will have to work together.

Co-parenting becomes necessary in this situation, and you must have faith that your partner is running the home sensibly.

A child needs to know both parents are interested in him or her. It’s difficult for a minor child of divorced parents to navigate two different households, just as it is for the parents. It is crucial your children believe they can communicate no matter which house they are in. Is a parent responding appropriately and getting help when it’s required if there seems to be a disconnect?

These are all crucial elements of a solid partnership. You need to be aware of these factors, not only for the self serving reason of being with your children. You need to realize, the courts are dead serious about them, especially in Michigan. 

Don’t take our word for it, ask your attorney.

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A gray divorce is one that occurs when a couple that has been married for a long period decides to divorce. Although some people might find it offensive, it is a recognized idea in the legal community. You will go through the process of separating assets, living apart, leaving the marital home, and being alone, just as in any divorce. When your spouse passes away, you have no control over the situation and cannot choose to separate; as a result, you must grieve and spend the remaining years of your life alone. 

Click here to watch the video on Gray Divorce & Preparing To Be Alone

Living alone forces you to deal with loss and subsequently forces you to look forward to being alone, just like losing someone in death does. Have you given any thought to how living alone may affect your life? Your lawyer will assist you with the legal aspects of your divorce, but they will also give you space to consider what life will be like after the divorce. Speak to your attorney. Speak to someone trustworthy who has had a gray divorce.

What Should Gray Divorce Be For You?

The population as a whole is aging. In Michigan, more than 50% of the population is currently 50 years of age or older. In Michigan, 25% of the population is 60 years of age or older right now. More than 2.46 million individuals in total. Baby boomers make up a sizable chunk of our demography.

If you have seriously thought about going for divorce when you’re past 50 years old, it is best to look at the following things you need to consider from your perspective:

What Is your income going to look like after the divorce?

Compared to when you were 20 or even a few years ago, your earning possibilities may be very different at 50. Different talents are in demand on the market. Depending on your individual circumstances, you or your spouse may be approaching your prime earning years. In contrast, it’s possible that you or your spouse’s skills are aging and that future income will be significantly lower.

Can you cover your medical expenses, do you have health coverage?

If you won’t be eligible for job benefits and aren’t close to being eligible for Medicare, managing your healthcare and health insurance may create considerable issues. The Affordable Care Act’s (ACA) Individual Health Insurance and COBRA can fill the gap.

How is retirement going to look like for you?

No matter how many zeros are in your combined 401(k) and IRA balances, having your nest egg sliced in half intensifies your financial difficulties. The possibilities for breaking them up and potential innovative approaches to tax minimization become more complicated the more accounts you have.

How is your mental health or well being right now?

The possibility of cognitive, other, or addiction issues having a detrimental effect on decision-making might also be present in cases of older couples going through divorce. In some situations, you might even need to think about hiring a guardian or conservator.

Do you still need to provide support for family members? How will your divorce affect your children, your family?

If you’re financially supporting children, you face additional challenges. If necessary, talk about these with your attorney, spouse, and children. Equally significant are the emotional and social repercussions that a parental divorce may have on the engaged adult children. Consider whether even a few counseling sessions might be beneficial for everyone and don’t take this for granted. Even if it’s peacefully resolved, divorce is difficult for everyone involved.

Do you have clarity as to what will be life after divorce?

When a couple divorces after many years of marriage, they are faced with not one, but two significant sources of uncertainty: the prospect of living alone and the uncertainties surrounding the usual retirement age. What do you actually hope to achieve in this new life you have chosen? What does a typical day in that new life feel and look like? Who do you want to have in that life—friends, family, or contacts from the workplace? Give it some thought and imagine your ideal existence in as much detail as you can.

The Truth About Being Alone After A Gray Divorce

In a study published in the National Institute of Health, it revealed the following:

It’s uncertain whether the rate of divorce among older people will increase further or if the rise is only a result of the experiences of the generation that grew up during the dramatic rise in divorce rates in the 1970s.

Due to the rapidly aging population, even if the rate stays the same over the next 20 years, the proportion of older individuals who will get divorced will increase by a third in 2030.

Due to the fact that widows and widowers typically receive greater financial and social support than divorcées, gray divorce may be more harmful than widowhood.

Gray divorce may be less harmful than widowhood because, at least for the initiator, the move to divorce frequently involves deliberate decision-making while widowhood is unavoidable.

It is also unknown whether gray divorcees benefit from repartnering more or less than widows or widowers. Repartnering may benefit divorcees more than widows or widowers because they frequently experience more financial hardship and receive less social support. On the other hand, divorcees frequently feel betrayed by their ex-spouse and struggle to build trust in their new relationship. Repartnering may therefore enhance divorcées’ mental health less than that of widows or widowers.

Using data from the Netherlands Kinship Panel Study (NKPS), it showed that older persons who are married, whether in first or higher order marriages, those who divorce later in life, or what is frequently referred to as “gray divorce,” may be more likely to experience loneliness.

People who divorce early in life may be more likely to remarry or cohabit with a new spouse than those who split later in life. Additionally, they might have more chances to rebuild their social networks with new partners, making them less prone to experience loneliness.

Preparing For A Life Alone After A Gray Divorce

Living a life of being alone after divorce seems not only inevitable but almost like a scientific fact. Your expectations must meet your new realities. Loneliness is going to follow you soon enough. Your ally is preparation. A change of scenery but more importantly a change in mindset is necessary.

 Find Someone You Trust To Provide You Emotional Support

We’re not suggesting finding a new partner because a new partner seldom fits the bill of replacing the void a married life has left post-divorce. You just need someone you can talk to and someone you are willing to commit to listen when that someone also needs a sympathetic and empathetic ear.

Have A Financial Plan

Know the cost of living life after divorce. You may need to stick to a budget which consists of daily living expenses, rent or mortgage, mobility, and other expenses approximating your lifestyle prior to the divorce. The court would have been fair enough to ensure you get a fair share of your property division and spousal support. Still you need to make sure there is a steady stream of income to support you through the rest of your life.

You Have To Deal With The Loneliness That Follows

Whether you admit it or not, a certain feeling of loss comes after the divorce judgment is announced. It may hit and sink a bit slow but it will hit you like someone has died. There will be visible changes already. A new place. A new community. Less contact with former acquaintances and friends from a former life.

You’re not grieving the death of someone, you are grieving a life you have lived. A part of who you are, the part you spent a time with someone you have loved and valued. Honor those moments. Give yourself time to grieve so that feeling of loss will not drain your energy.

You Have To Replace Your Daily Routine And Activities

Your former life was filled with activities and moments tied to someone else’s routine. It is now time to own your own space, your own time, and your own routines. Find a purpose to wake up everyday. Some get a pet. Some go back to school or find a hobby.. Or actually go back to the workforce. The latter can be a challenge without serious and deliberate preparation.

Loneliness Is Inevitable

Like what we have mentioned in studies conducted about people who underwent gray divorces, loneliness can seep in very quickly. You need to know loneliness is a moment you can control. Find other things to do in those moments. In most of the things you do now, you will do alone. Fill your social circles with new faces. New lives to interact with. Start connecting with people.

You are about to write a new chapter in your life.

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The crime of domestic violence is beyond dispute. There is a range in the severity of the crime, from a misdemeanor to a felony. What is the punishment for domestic abuse in the context of a divorce? Assault and battery are both criminal offenses that include domestic violence. Depending on the nature of the offense, it may result in jail time. Parenting time and your position in the custody dispute will both suffer if you commit domestic abuse.

Click here to watch the video on What Is The Penalty For Domestic Violence?

For a parent with domestic violence issues, it typically does not augur well. The guilty party may receive restricted custody or parenting time under supervision if it can be shown that the abuse has a negative impact on the child’s best interests.

The issue of domestic violence is always discussed in close tangent with personal protective orders and child abuse. The topic always crosses over custody and parenting time.

Some Revealing Truths About Domestic Violence

When deciding on custody and parenting time, the court will always consider one of the twelve factors for assessing the best interest of the child. One of these factors, the eleventh factor, is domestic violence or domestic abuse. It’s not necessary for parents to physically abuse their kids. It’s not necessary for kids to see it. For the court to consider domestic violence, it only needs to demonstrate presence or evident existence. 

Legally speaking, emotional abuse can occasionally be ambiguous due to the fact that various people frequently interpret the phrase differently.

It can often be difficult to distinguish between psychological abuse and emotional abuse. Given that the majority of specialists agree that emotional child abuse can be summed up as an assault on the child’s psyche, it is safe to assume that “emotional” and “mental” abuse are likely to be treated equally in the eyes of the law.

Making this distinction is important since the Michigan penal code does not specifically prohibit the emotional molesting of children. The statutory definition of what child abuse makes reference to “serious mental harm.”

“Serious mental harm” is defined as an injury to a child’s mental wellbeing or condition that is not necessarily permanent but nevertheless produces clearly discernible manifestations of a significant disorder of thought or mood that materially impairs behavior, judgment, the ability to recognize reality, or the capacity to cope with day-to-day demands of life.

Domestic violence is of particular concern to women given the numerous incidents of assault and stalking against them. In Michigan, more than 25% of women report to have had a rape at some point in their lives (this includes perpetrators who may be known or unknown to them).

A study on violence against women and children found that roughly 42% of women in Michigan may experience rape, physical abuse, and/or stalking throughout their lifetimes. Victims don’t always look for legal assistance from the police or medical care.

Surprisingly, there is a growing trend indicating women are also becoming perpetrators of domestic violence. It seems to indicate a phenomenon that domestic violence is no longer gender specific.

Without a doubt, women are no longer the only ones affected. Some theories for why domestic violence cases involving women against men go unreported include the social stigma associated with violence inflicted by women on men and the institutionalized bias against such claims by law enforcement officers and the legal system itself.

Domestic Violence, Assault and Battery Are Painfully Related

One must first grasp what comprises assault and assault and battery in order to comprehend the crime commonly known as domestic violence. An intentional, unlawful act is considered an assault if it makes another person reasonably fear an impending battery.

The intentional forcing, aggressive, or offensive touching of another person or something that is strongly connected with the person of another, no matter how mild or trivial, constitutes assault and battery.

Cases of domestic violence are comparable to cases of battery and assault. They do, however, involve people in special relationships. This is the reason domestic abuse in Michigan is defined as an assault or assault and battery by a:

1. Spouse
2. Previous partner
3. A person who is or was a member of the victim’s household
4. A person who has a child shared with the victim
5. A person with whom he or she is dating or has been dating

There are two classifications of domestic violence in the State of Michigan, namely: domestic assault and aggravated domestic assault.

Domestic assault is one sort of domestic abuse offense recognized by Michigan law. Charges can be brought against someone for this specific act even if there was no physical harm done. Instead, a person may be tried and found guilty based only on threats of bodily harm.

Aggravated domestic assault happens when the person assaulted sustains or suffers injuries necessitating medical attention.

The prosecutor may approve felony assault charges under Michigan’s assault statutes when other circumstances are present in a domestic violence altercation. The most typical felony charges are typically:

[1] Assault with a dangerous weapon.

[2] Assault with intent to do great bodily harm (GBH).

[3] Assault by strangulation or suffocation.

Statutory Penalties of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence by definition is a crime and carries statutory penalties.

Penalties and charges for domestic assault.

Domestic assault carries the following penalties:

[a] 1st Offense is a  Misdemeanor penalized with 93 days in jail and/or fine up to $500

[b] 2nd Offense also a Misdemeanor penalized with 1 year in jail 

and/or fine up to $1,000.

[c] 3rd Offense is a Felony punishable by 5 years in prison and/or 

fine up to $5,000.

The victim need not be injured in order for this accusation to be proven.

Domestic violence convictions may also come with court-ordered probation, therapy, community service, etc.

Penalties and charges for aggravated domestic assault.

The prosecutor can actually recommend additional felony charges in the case of aggravated domestic assault as follows:

[a] Assault with a dangerous weapon carries a penalty of four years in prison

[b] Assault with intent to do great bodily harm (GBH) carries

a penalty of 10 years in prison

[c] Assault by strangulation or suffocation carries 

a penalty of 10 years in prison

The Real Penalties and Consequence of Domestic Abuse

Just because domestic violence is perpetrated usually within the privacy of a home, it should not be misconstrued as some form of family dispute. It’s a crime. It is a punishable crime. When there’s crime, there’s consequence. In the perspective of family, the consequences are much deeper. It cuts through the very fabric of the family. 

It destroys trust. It does irreparable damage to children. It is for this reason the courts do not take domestic violence lightly especially in the context of the best interest of the child.

The courts somehow will find a way to penalize erring parents, short of sending them to jail.

Personal Protective Orders (PPO)

The fastest and most effective so far in putting you at bay is a personal protective order or PPO. By issuing a PPO the court can effectively restrict your access to your children.

A PPO restrict the alleged abuser’s ability to speak with the victim by directing the abuser to:

[1] Keep away from the victim’s person, home, workplace, and school.

[2] Avoid communicating with the victim in any way, including by phone.

[3] Refrain from stalking, threatening, or physically harming the victim, and

[4] Refrain from meddling with the custody and care of any children that you share with the victim.

Your ex is the most likely party to request for a PPO and if your ex is sole physical and legal custodian. This means your kids are always around or near your ex. This effectively keeps you away physically and possibly with no way of talking to your kids. For a parent who loves their kids, this is worse punishment than a holding cell.

Limited or Restricted Custody and Parenting Time

Domestic violence is just one of the twelve factors the Michigan court will take into account when deciding on custody. This is true even if your kids weren’t the victims and didn’t see the violence. Domestic violence definitely matters. Courts always include it in custody and parenting time determinations. 

Abusive partners, in the eyes of the court, can still get a chance for some parenting time, formerly referred to as “visitation”, and in some instances custody.

According to Michigan law, a close relationship between your child and both parents is in their best interests. In fact, the majority of kids whose parents engage in abusive behavior remain close to the abusive parent. Therefore, even if you are given custody of your child, the other parent will typically still be given access to the child on a regular basis. In extreme circumstances, parenting time may be disallowed or restricted if you can show the other parent’s presence endangers your child’s bodily, mental, or emotional well-being.

A judge may impose “supervised visitation,” which implies that the abusive parent and the child can only spend time together under specific conditions, depending on the circumstances. For instance, the judge may mandate a social worker or a specialist attend the visitation to assess the abuser’s suitability for contact with the child. A judge may also mandate that the abusive parent’s parenting time with the kid be supervised by a third party, such as a grandparent or friend.

Termination of Parental Rights (TPR)

When domestic violence causes, in its extreme form, a direct and most certain harm to the children, it could be the basis for the termination of parental rights. Parental rights can be terminated under the provisions for aggravated circumstances under MCL 722.638.

Remember this. The State of Michigan will not reinstate parental rights after it is terminated.

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When a couple decides to divorce in their later years, it is referred to as a “gray divorce” in legal parlance. Are there alternatives to gray divorce? A few adjustments will occur at home as you transition towards retirement. like spending all of your time at home. You can experience a drastic adjustment as a result of having nothing to do. Your wife may not appreciate the adjustment because you are now always near her or lurking around. Your interference with your spouse’s regular activities is annoying.

Click here to watch the video on Are There Alternatives To Gray Divorce In Michigan?

In long-term relationships abruptly entering the retirement phase of the spouse, you would have grandchildren and a ton of spare time. There are probably more reasons for you to stay married than for it to end. A good lawyer should be able to spot these unforeseen developments in their clients’ lives. To avoid getting in each other’s way while savoring your golden years, you may only need to make a few changes to your schedules.

What You Need To Know About Gray Divorce

A while back, we published an article entitled, “What You Need To Know About Gray Divorce” in our Legal Blog here.

Long term marriages come in increments of 20, 30, or 50 years or more of married people’s lives. Among lawyers, we talk about them and call them gray divorces.

A docketed divorce case has parties filing a complaint, filing responses to the complaint, getting summoned for discovery, engaging in discussions and mediations, and the usual negotiations for spousal and child support. Gray marriages go through the same exact process of divorce.

From 2000 to 2020, data on marriage and divorce were collected by the National Center for Health Statistics of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC, from 45 states and the District of Columbia. According to the statistics, 2.3 divorces occur for every 1,000 people. For couples aged 50 and older, the divorce rate is much higher, at about 10 instances per 1000 persons.

The general populace is aging. More than 50% of people in Michigan are now 50 years of age or older. Currently, 25% of people in Michigan are 60 years of age or older. In total, more than 2.46 million people. Our demographics include a substantial proportion of baby boomers.

The data we provided is factual. If a marriage has lasted this long, it must be a successful marriage by definition. Maybe not? What then causes a purportedly happy marriage to break up?

Alternative One: Working On Keeping It

If we ask you then, why you married your spouse, you’ll probably say your partner is special. This person is one of a kind. Nobody is like her or him. Your partner is just so special. Now you’re thinking of divorce and you’re convincing yourself divorce is a normal choice to have. Everyone does it. Simple right. Helps you sleep at night.

It doesn’t? Then maybe this marriage matters.

The data from the U.S. Census Bureau is not exactly encouraging but we need to mention it here so you can appreciate the context and enormity of the decision you’re about to make.

In the US, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. First marriages end in divorce in 48% of cases. The divorce data for your second marriage is 60%. Third marriages end in divorce in 73% of cases. All of this data is about divorce but it also tells you the fact that most got married at least twice. Each of them gave themselves a second chance to start over.

People did marry again. They still believe in marriage, or having a family. Trying again and giving this marriage a special chance to warm up again may not be difficult after all if you’re still thinking about ending it..

Everyone enduring the pain of troubled marriages most often endure them alone. Yes they do suffer taking in the imperfection of marriage, of relationships.

Wouldn’t it be better if all couples used their suffering as motivation to examine their relationships in depth, seek expert assistance, and become stronger?

Problems in a marriage may serve as a wake-up call to work on the union rather than follow the path that leads to divorce.

What a lovely world it would be if everyone could be honest with themselves and accept responsibility for their part in the issues.

Couples may be able to avoid a needless divorce if they decide to put effort into their union and make the required adjustments rather than repeating their errors. And if they do ultimately decide to get a divorce, their individual couples counseling sessions may improve their chances of getting married again successfully. 

If only people can learn from the lessons in their relationships maybe the statistics might change. 

Alternative Two: Do Nothing About It

Yes, maybe you want to take your chances and just do nothing. Ride it like a wave. Maybe you’re an adventurous one. You and your partner.

Not taking any action is in a way a choice, an alternative. 

Not coming up with any specific action to address the issues in your marriage and just waiting for them to disappear is a decision after all. For many couples, this is a viable solution. Sometimes the desire to be happy without a partner is trumped by religious convictions, a dread of loneliness, the loss of a benefit, or another worry. 

As there is no need to confront the nature of the issue, doing nothing is also simpler and less expensive than filing a divorce. However, issues rarely disappear on their own. 

If you choose not to take action, be kind to yourself and stop whining when issues start piling up.

Alternative Three: Conscious Uncoupling

Those who could not sit idly by and do nothing, you can try what Katherine Woodward Thomas wrote about called “conscious uncoupling”. This alternative is more like therapy than anything else. 

Working through a separation in a spirit of cooperation and respect is part of the process of conscious uncoupling, which is by the way, not legally binding. It ultimately tries to reduce emotional repercussions for the partners and their children, putting everyone involved on the road to future success.

The goal of conscious uncoupling is to support the couple as they navigate a very challenging situation in a way that is very beneficial, preventing them from destroying one another in the process. Conscious uncoupling can be utilized as a structure to support one another during a physical separation, a more structured legal separation, or as a structure for communication during an impending divorce.

If you’re curious if anybody actually went through a conscious uncoupling process, you can seek out actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s experience in her 2014 separation from Coldplay’s Chris Martin. Ms. Paltrow actually wrote an essay for Vogue’s September issue about it entitled, “Conscious Uncoupling Has Permeated Break-Up Culture” and how it influenced her own separation.

Ms. Paltrow and Mr. Martin actually used the words “conscious uncoupling” when they announced their separation in public.

In the worst possible reality you really can’t stand each other anymore, maybe a less drastic alternative to divorce can be chosen. You can have some practical work around you can agree on.

Alternative Four: Use Separation Agreements

You enter into a separation agreement. In Michigan, your attorney can introduce you to three types of agreements for separation, namely: private separation, separate maintenance, and postnuptial.

One, Private Separation Agreement.

An informal agreement between the parties regarding the terms of a separation is known as a private separation agreement. You may think of yourself as divorced, but under Michigan law, there is no enforceable document. If the legal separation leads to a divorce, a private separation agreement may make things more difficult. For instance, unless it is in writing, the “agreement” about property, the children, or support is unlikely to be upheld in court. Even worse, by establishing a custodial setting, you can harm a custody dispute. Legal separation is different from a private separation arrangement.

Two, Separate Maintenance Agreement.

A Separate Maintenance Agreement is a legal separation resembling a divorce in many ways. Similar filing requirements, including residency and grounds, apply to separate maintenance in Michigan. The same rules apply for child support, spousal support, child custody, and property split. The greatest distinction is that separate maintenance doesn’t end the marriage. The parties do continue to be married, unlike in a divorce. Under Michigan law, a separation structured as either a Separate Maintenance Agreement or Post Nuptial agreement qualifies as “legal.” Avoiding a divorce is a common justification for signing a Separate Maintenance Agreement, particularly when moral or religious considerations are of the utmost importance.

Clients are occasionally advised to think about a separate maintenance agreement to keep a sick spouse on health insurance even after a divorce due to the fact that they are still technically married after filing for separation. Sadly, it can be challenging to maintain a spouse’s health insurance under a Separate Maintenance Agreement because many health insurance policies view a Separate Maintenance Agreement as being equivalent to a divorce.

A joint tax return can still be filed by a couple under a Separate Maintenance Agreement

Three, Postnuptial Agreement.

One of the most effective legal separation tools in Michigan, this separation agreement is typically valid under Michigan law. You can continue to be covered by your spouse’s health insurance while living apart, unlike a Separate Maintenance Agreement. Similar to a prenuptial agreement, a postnuptial agreement is one that is signed after you get married.

There is no necessity the parties be apart for the duration of the Postnuptial Agreement in order for it to be enforceable. To do this, attorneys first file for divorce, then they sign the Post Nuptial Agreement, and finally they dismiss the divorce case.

Divorce however you approach it will have both financial and emotional costs, however, there are alternatives worth looking into. The logic behind divorce statutes is framed in such a way as to give couples a chance to think through this decision. The cooling period inserted as a waiting period in the statues is there for that reason.

The state still believes in preserving marriage, to keep a family together.

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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.

The Michigan courts do take verbal agreements between parents about child custody into consideration. The courts will undoubtedly reach a conclusion at some point. It is best that you consult with your respective attorneys so that the court can take into account verbal agreements between parents in a child custody issue. These oral agreements are crucial in Michigan child custody disputes. Request that your attorneys put your verbal agreement in writing. It guarantees that the court will take into account the verbal agreements between the parents.

Click here to watch the video on Will The Court Factor In Verbal Agreements Between Parents in Child Custody In Michigan?

People can be fickle. Your ex can have a sudden and dramatic change of heart. Some “free” legal advice from friends and family can change their perspective. The unfortunate truth is that people do not always keep their promises, and in tense and emotional circumstances, people frequently have second thoughts about what they want or believe to be the best course of action.  

It is undoubtedly possible to have a verbal custody arrangement where everything works properly and both sides participate fully, but is it worth the risk if that changes?

Verbal and Informal Agreements, What’s The Difference

A verbal custody agreement between two parents managing the custody and visitation of their children is referred to as a parenting plan. Verbal custody agreements are frequently used in separations and unresolved divorce cases even though formal parenting plans are usually required in divorce cases.

In order to offer both parents a clear understanding of who would have custody of any minor children born into the marriage, custody agreements are created. These agreements include a precise timetable outlining when, where, how long, and when the children will return for each parent. The goal of custody agreements is to lessen disputes that may develop between parents as a result of misunderstandings, resentment, or spite, as well as to ease the transition for the kids during the separation.

Verbal custody agreements are made orally, typically during meetings of the parents to discuss how the children’s time would be divided. Making a verbal custody agreement is easy, but there are a few things to consider to make sure it is fair and specific. To be discussed are the children’s primary caregiver, where they will live, when the non-custodial parent will pick them up, and where they will go during visits.

In most, not all jurisdictions, verbal custody arrangements are regarded as binding legal contracts. However, verbal agreements are notoriously difficult to execute, especially if the parents are not on good terms. This is because it comes down to which party’s word is more reliable.

The court will find it challenging to enforce agreements without tangible proof of their provisions. To ensure that both parents have a legally binding copy of the plan, it is strongly advised that any custody arrangement you create, including open custody arrangements, be put in writing and signed by both parties.

Informal custody agreements can range from friendly discussions about who will see the kids on certain days to more formal written agreements created with the help of mediators and attorneys. Formal custody agreements can be created from informal ones provided the necessary paperwork is submitted to the court and accepted by the judge.

The divorce decree, which outlines the conditions of the divorce, is then amended to reflect the informal agreements. Arrangements between parents who were never wed, are momentarily separated, or are in the beginning stages of a divorce are frequently included in informal agreements.

A non-judicial agreement is an informal custody arrangement. An out-of-court custody arrangement cannot take the place of a judicial custody arrangement. An informal agreement that has not been brought before the court in legal processes cannot be enforced by the family court.

All agreements made in court and accepted by the court are formal and have legal force. Parents who choose to modify a court-ordered custody arrangement must go back to court to get the modifications approved.

Verbal Agreements Are Ok, Agreements in Paper Are Better

Parents may verbally agree on custody, child support, or both because the “split” was amicable and, so far, there have been no issues with exchanges or co-parenting. Other times, parents may reach a verbal agreement on custody, child support, or both because the “split” was amicable and, so far, there have been no issues with exchanges or co-parenting. 

When parents can reach a consensus, it’s always wonderful and greatly lessens the emotional and financial strain that court hearings bring. However, what happens if that agreement is never put in writing? Alternatively, why should the agreement be on paper if the parents are on board and everything is going smoothly?

Verbal agreements in place of official parenting plans are very seldom, if ever, permitted by family courts during divorce processes. The majority of jurisdictions demand that the parents present a written, signed plan so that the judge can formally enter it as an order obliging both parties to abide by it. 

Even if you and your ex-partner are on good terms, you should seriously consider documenting any parenting arrangements you make to safeguard both you and the other parent from future issues.

The Truths About Agreements According To The Law

A verbal agreement or oral contract is generally enforceable as long as it is fair, conscionable, reasonable, and carried out in good faith. There are just a few contract types that need to be in writing in order to be enforceable.

A contract must contain both an offer and an acceptance of that offer. A transaction must be proposed by one party and accepted by the other.

Consideration is a crucial component. It implies that in order to enter into a contract, both sides will have to provide something. There must be agreement from both parties. This merely implies that there must be a discussion or convergence of ideas. The terms of the contract must be clear to all parties.

If you really want to do this by the book, here’s what the book says.

The book says there are 5 essential elements of a valid contract or agreement:

One, competency.

A contract won’t be upheld by a court if it’s obvious that one of the parties couldn’t understand it or was forced to sign it. Each party entering into a contract must be:

(a) Legal adult (over 18)

(b) Having a good intellect and enough mental capacity

(c) Free from restrictions, in this case ones that limit their capacity to freely consent.

It is clear why the courts have these specifications for contracts that are legally binding. Anyone who has been fooled or coerced into signing a paper has not genuinely agreed to what it says; rather, they have just followed instructions. Unlike adults, minors are not thought to be capable of entering contracts due to the possibility of fraud. A parent or legal guardian, however, may sign on their child’s behalf.

Two, proper subject matter.

A contract clearly violating a specific statute or the public policy won’t be upheld in Michigan courts. The state will not force somebody to do something that is against the law, which goes without saying. Even though we hope you’re not entering into contracts of this nature, there are instances in which dishonest people or businesses try to persuade signatories they’ve given up certain rights.

Three, consideration.

A legal detriment agreed to in exchange for a promise is known as consideration. A party typically promises to do something for which they are not legally compelled or to refrain from doing something for which they are legally permitted in exchange for payment. This simply means you are entering into a contract not currently required by law.

Fourth, mutuality of agreement.

A “meeting of the minds” is necessary for a contract to be enforceable, which entails having all parties concur on the essential terms of the agreement. Courts consider the existence of an offer and an acceptance when examining this factor.

An offer is a declaration of intent to enter into a contract with specific conditions. The offeror does not need to state a contract is in existence, but intent is important in that the offeror’s goal must be interpreted as a contract proposal. It is important to consider whether a typical person would have assumed the offeror intended to engage into a contract.

Of course, it would be difficult for anyone to contest your agreement if you put it in writing.

On the other hand, acceptance signifies agreement with the terms of an offer by the other side. An offeror could insist on a certain acceptance format, such written form. If the Offeror so elects, the Offer shall be subject to the satisfaction by the Offeree of the Conditions of the Offer. If no format is specified, acceptance may be communicated in any manner the offeree deems appropriate.

Fifth, mutuality of obligation.

Both parties to a contract are obligated by its terms, which is referred to as mutuality of obligation. If one side is required to act while the other is not, mutuality is not present. A contract will be deemed invalid if there is no mutual commitment.

It can be very challenging to enforce the parenting schedule you have in place if something goes wrong without a written agreement, whether it be in the form of a “contract” or a consent order.

If something goes wrong, the only method to try to enforce a verbal agreement will be through litigation, which is an expensive and time-consuming process.

Try imagining how you are going to use the above in getting what you want in your custody and parenting time. This will help you have a more organized and sensible conversation with your attorney in terms of what you have you can offer and what the other party can give you. 

The court does factor your verbal agreements, but they prefer you do it in writing. Share your intentions with your attorney but get it in writing this time.

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You might be wondering, why anyone most specially your soon to be ex dig up anything against you. You might have convinced yourself your ex doesn’t really need to paint you as a monster to get divorce. Michigan is a “no-fault” divorce state. Your spouse doesn’t need a reason to get rid of you or kick you out of your marriage. So, why would anyone bother to find out what can be used against you in a divorce.

How about a better deal in spousal support? How about cutting you off parenting time and custody? Would that be reason enough for you?

Click here to watch the video on What Can Be Used Against You In A Divorce In Michigan?

Property division in the divorce settlement may not be the place to do it if your spouse wants to get a better deal. The equitable property split of 50/50 or close to it will always be followed by the courts. With anything relating to your children, it’s different. 

Nothing in the division of property can be used against you in a divorce discussion. However, if your activity or behavior could jeopardize the children’s welfare or safety, a Michigan divorce judge could hold that against you. Such actions may result in the loss of child custody. The fact that you are unworthy of being the custodial parent may be used against you.

A vindictive spouse can push the envelope even more and use domestic abuse or child abuse as leverage. Hurling accusations against you might just stick. A vindictive spouse may not care if it’s true or not. We have covered the inconvenient circumstance a vindictive spouse can put you through in an article, “How To Deal With A Vindictive Spouse During Divorce In Michigan” in our Legal Blog. You can read it here.

If you become aware or suspect your behavior could be used against you, it’s best to talk to your attorney about it.

The Truth Is, There’s Always Something That Can Be Used Against You

The most viable evidence the opposing party can use against you will come most likely from any of the elements of domestic abuse or child abuse. Your ex can allege or convince anyone or your own child to allege you have committed some form of domestic abuse or child abuse.

Anyone with an ax to grind can just pick from any description of domestic abuse under physical and emotional abuse and put your name beside it in a complaint, and you’re off to a courtesy visit from the police or CPS. Of course, most of the time, the court sees through all that and dismisses them. You can’t be complacent however because even a false accusation can do a lot of damage to you.

We posted an article on the serious consequences of false domestic abuse accusations but we also articulated “How To Deal With False Domestic Abuse Claims In A Michigan Divorce” in our Legal Blog and you can read all about them here.

You’re thinking and probably heard a lot from others saying emotional abuse is difficult to prove. Yes, truly it is difficult. Take note. They say it’s difficult, not impossible.

There are already approaches to go around the difficulties of proving emotional abuse. For some serendipitous circumstance you might end up in the rare statistic of being exempted from the “difficult” category and actually get arraigned. In the article we mentioned, being arraigned will be enough to change your life.

Sometimes there is no hard proof in these cases, or there are no witnesses who can speak on behalf of the claimed victim. This is due to the fact that domestic violence incidents or domestic abuse typically take place in private and depend on the testimony of the two parties involved. It’s critical to understand what evidence the prosecution may use against you if you are facing domestic abuse charges.

Let’s look at what may be used against you.

Doctor notes or medical records. Gynecologists and doctors are increasingly trained to spot abuse indicators. Resources for reporting the abuse include health care professionals. If your accuser was seeking medical attention for an injury, the doctor would have made notes regarding the alleged abuse. Without calling the police, some can just write “cause of an injury.”

Your accuser will most likely call on a trusted friend, coworker or family member who knows what’s going on and would be willing to help your accuser. There are many ways they can help document the alleged abuse.

Your accuser might have recorded random encounters or run into  This can be their stalking log of your encounters.

Video or voice recording of you drunk while with kids or in your “weird episodes” in an activity at home. Or it can be any digital evidence like a voice mail or email.

When fraudulent allegations of abuse are made, the stakes are quite high. 

In contrast, those seeking civil restraining orders in circumstances of domestic abuse must meet a low burden of proof and most hearings for such orders are rushed.

An application for a domestic abuse restraining order would typically include the request for an ex parte emergency order, which will be followed by a more permanent order given upon a return hearing in court. A person may file a Motion and Affidavit requesting ex parte relief in order for an ex parte restraining order to be entered.

Ex parte relief is an immediate remedy, and the claims the court considers are unrebutted by the accused party. The Court may issue a temporary restraining order on the basis of this biased submission, ejecting the defendant from the family home, forbidding contact between the defendant and the victim and frequently the children, and scheduling the case for a hearing in the near future, usually within a few weeks.

Impact On Divorce

Domestic abuse in marriage will cause Michigan courts to look more closely in the divorce case and consider it seriously even if they often divide marital property fairly. If the victim was harmed, they will take into account whatever effect the abuse may have had, such as whether it prevented the victim from working or whether marital assets were withheld.

They might also think about whether the abuse was the main cause of the marriage’s dissolution. A larger share of the marital estate may be given to the victim if they determine there is compelling evidence in her favor.

When determining spousal support, the judge takes impacts of domestic abuse into account, just as with the marital estate.

The severity of emotional and verbal abuse is well understood by Michigan’s courts, especially when it is utilized as a form of social control. The courts will typically take this into account when splitting up property and considering property in cases of more severe abuse. Here’s the thing, the court will generally not award one party more than sixty (60%) percent of the marital estate when it comes to distributing the assets, nevertheless.

Impact on Child Custody and Parenting Time

The best interest of the child factors is the key basis for the court’s deliberations and decision. In some circumstances, the court will go above and beyond the call of duty to safeguard children. While it is generally accepted that both parents should spend time with their kids and communication is essential, the court may break from this rule where one parent poses a risk to the kids. If there has been a history of domestic violence, for example, the court might restrict access in that situation.

Above all, the court strives to protect the kids, and it has a duty to put them in the most secure environment. When one parent has a history of violence, it raises concerns that they would use violence toward the children as well. Domestic violence can disqualify perpetrators from parenting time even if they are not violent toward the children.

Domestic or child abuse can have an impact on a variety of issues, not only physical custody. The children’s residence is only one aspect of custody. Additionally, it impacts the amount of parenting time permitted as well as whether the kids are allowed to spend time with a parent. Domestic violence has an effect on these two judgments.

While judges can typically examine which aspects best fit the circumstance using the best interests test, they must take domestic violence into account. They lack the freedom to ignore it or minimize it. Judges would, in any case, have very little excuse to not treat domestic violence seriously.

The court may nonetheless permit an alleged abusive parent to visit their children if provisions have been made to protect their safety. Parents might be present when their children have supervised visits, for instance. A court-appointed supervisor may accompany the visit in part or whole. The potential of a future bonding with the parent may still be preserved by the court even in cases of domestic abuse. There are other options, such as allowing the parent unsupervised visits but prohibiting overnight stays.

The parent can also be required by the court to go to counseling while the custody dispute is ongoing. This can involve taking parenting or anger management classes. It is crucial to follow the judge’s instructions and show you are dedicated to their terms if you find yourself in this situation. You and your divorce attorney could eventually demonstrate to the court you followed the judge’s orders exactly.

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In a Michigan divorce, both parties will work to obtain the most favorable terms possible. Parties may exaggerate claims, such as emotional abuse, in order to forward their own objectives. When deciding a case, Michigan courts are not known to break from the 50/50 equitable distribution criterion. The outcome of the divorce may not be determined by the existence of proof of emotional abuse. However, proving emotional abuse in the context of protecting children may take on a whole new meaning.

Click here to watch the video on How To Prove Emotional Abuse In A Michigan Divorce

Since Michigan’s courts tend to lean on the side of child protection, emotional abuse against minors will receive a fair amount of attention. Your lawyer should know how emotional abuse can be used or defended against.

The Truth About Domestic Abuse and Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that may have a detrimental effect on the victim’s cognitive, emotional, psychological, or social development. It is also known as psychological maltreatment. When a parent, caregiver, or other adult in authority emotionally abuses a child, the effects are virtually always negative and frequently last the rest of the child’s life.

Both verbal abuse, such as calling someone names, and terrorizing, which typically entails scaring the child by threatening them with harm or purposefully putting them in terrifying situations, are examples of emotional abuse. Long-term disregard for the child might also mean excluding them from friends and family, dismissing them as a person, or skipping over their most fundamental emotional requirements.

The court will always use one of the twelve factors for determining the best interest of the child in deliberating on custody and parenting time. Domestic violence or domestic abuse is one of these factors. The parent does not necessarily have to be violent to children. Children don’t necessarily have to witness it. The presence or evident existence of domestic violence is sufficient for the court to take into account. It’s crucial to inform the judge about the violence and your fears.

Emotional Abuse and Child Abuse

We have covered the subject of child abuse very well in our article “What Is Considered Child Abuse In Michigan” and you can read more of it here in our Legal Blog. 

In that article we mentioned about the following in the context of child abuse:

A person who is younger than 18 years old and has not attained legal emancipation is referred to as a “Child.”

Abuse encompasses the use of the following words.

“Cruel” refers to something that is cruel, inhumane, sadistic, or torturous.

“Omission” refers to a child being purposefully abandoned or not being given the required food, clothing, or shelter for their welfare.

“Serious mental harm” is defined as an injury to a child’s mental wellbeing or condition that is not necessarily permanent but nevertheless produces clearly discernible manifestations of a significant disorder of thought or mood that materially impairs behavior, judgment, the ability to recognize reality, or the capacity to cope with day-to-day demands of life.

Many studies over the years have demonstrated children who experience emotional abuse, such as routine humiliating, ignoring, or intimidating, are more likely to exhibit undesired behaviors that become more severe as they get older. Low self-esteem, self-destructive habits, promiscuity, substance abuse issues, hostility, difficulties building relationships, animal cruelty, and suicidal impulses are a few examples of these behaviors, although they are not restricted to them.

It is more difficult to identify emotional abuse since it does not leave the same visible signs as physical abuse does. Emotional abuse is harder to spot when it is a kid’s only form of abuse, despite the assertions of many professionals that it is more prevalent among all other types of child abuse.

Proving Child Abuse Is Proving Emotional Abuse

Domestic abuse is not just about physically hitting someone. Domestic abuse can come in many forms. It may come in the form of physical assault, intimidation, stalking, sexual assault, isolation, control of financial resources, threats, and emotional abuse. How do you prove emotional abuse?

From a legal perspective, emotional abuse can sometimes fall into a gray area because the term is frequently interpreted differently by different people. 

In many cases, it might be challenging to tell emotional abuse apart from psychological abuse. It is safe to conclude that “emotional” and “mental” abuse are likely to be considered as being the same thing in the eyes of the law because most experts concur  emotional child abuse may be summed up as an assault on that child’s psyche.

This is a crucial distinction to make because the Michigan penal code does not explicitly state that molesting children emotionally is illegal. But there are mentions of “serious mental harm” in the definition we just mentioned above of what child abuse might entail.

A parent or any adult who cares for a child could be charged with child abuse if they treated them in a way that had a lasting detrimental effect on the child without ever physically injuring them. In order for this to occur, the prosecutor must demonstrate a causal link between the abuse by the parent and the harm to the child’s psychological or emotional well-being. 

This is shockingly simple to pull off because most prosecutors have access to child therapists and psychologists who can testify in court about the harm done.

There are techniques specialists use to try to identify when children are the victims of emotional abuse, even if it can be difficult to identify in a child when it occurs independently of all other types of abuse. These include targeted inquiries about family dynamics as well as approaches like art therapy and imagination play in a supervised therapeutic environment.

There is also already an evolving field in pediatrics helping the state assess signs of abuse called “child abuse pediatrics” in assessing physical manifestations of abuse.

Caveat for Parents, Guardians, and Caregivers

It can be a life changing experience to be accused of child abuse or emotional abuse. It could affect careers, job opportunities, relationships, and overall damage to your reputation. The stigma of such an accusation or even worse, a conviction will stick with you for a lifetime.

Police and prosecutors will turn the lives of parents and other caregivers who are accused of child abuse upside down in an effort to look for indications of abuse. It’ll be intrusive, upsetting, and frightening. Due to the fact that the criminal process differs from an inquiry by Child Protective Services (CPS), it can also mean going through the same trauma twice.

False allegations sometimes come up for reasons that aren’t even malicious. Some unfounded allegations are just the result of misunderstanding. When a child says something that is ultimately misinterpreted, this can actually occur pretty quickly. This can either indicate that a parent misread what the child said, or it could indicate that the youngster misunderstood what the parent said or did.

Many times, false accusations are not the result of innocence. Frequently, parents are falsely accused of terrible deeds by an opposing parent. This is usually perpetrated to obtain a benefit, such as custody of their children, people occasionally accuse their spouse of abusing them throughout the divorce process.

Sometimes a parent just wants to limit the amount of time the other parent spends with the kids. Even worse, some people accuse others of abuse purely out of resentment and self-interest. Fortunately, most judges have the ability to recognize false abuse claims. The courts do not tolerate these kinds of extremely serious accusations very well when they are patently false.

The best precautions against false allegations is to be more proactive about it especially if you’re in the middle of a divorce and child custody case. Here are some proactive and preventive practices you can take to avoid misunderstanding and false accusations: 

• Avoid any behavior that can be perceived as inappropriate (i.e. telling children crude jokes, making sexually provocative remarks to them, or indulging in rough horseplay.)
• Avoid being alone with other people’s kids as often as you can.
• Try your best to reach an acceptable custody agreement if you are in the middle of a divorce with minor children.
• Learn about claims of child abuse and neglect. Knowing more makes it simpler to steer clear of circumstances that can be misunderstood.

In the worst possible scenario, you might really get a formal charge of abuse, you need to be more deliberate in your action.

Deal with the accuser directly by checking and questioning the accuser’s credibility and reputation. In most cases, charges of abuse or often solely coming from an accuser. 

When the accuser is the accused’s own son or daughter is one issue that can emerge. Typically, parents don’t want to throw dirt at their own children. There are polite methods to refute the child’s or the other parent’s accusation in this situation. The child may have been forced or unintentionally persuaded to make up tales.

You may have to build your own credibility. Get character witnesses to talk on your behalf. Just be consistent in your statement. In the extreme you might be convinced to undergo a lie detector test, just don’t let the police perform the test. Best of all, tell the truth and be consistent in whatever statement you make.

Attack the substance of the evidence being presented. Consistencies are always present in false accusations. Check the gaps in the investigation report itself.

Most important of all, call an attorney to help you sort out all of the above.

You might have the motivation to do it but your pain and anguish might cloud your judgment about what is appropriate in your defense. Your attorney can do a better job at doing all those mentioned above.

In the end, you will be relying mainly on your attorney and the wisdom and sense of fairness of the court.

It has always been a bias in court to lean towards keeping the parent-child bond, so even an abusive parent may get some form of custody or parenting time. Even with much evidence, the court will lean towards protecting child-parent bonds. In most cases, in spite of apparent abuse, the extreme remedy will be supervised parenting time.

The court may still give an abusive parent some form of custody or parenting time. In the event both parents request joint custody, the judge must take abuse into account. If you and the other parent can jointly make parenting decisions, the judge will have to decide whether or not this is allowed. Communications and parental decision-making may be difficult if one of the parties is abusive. One of the key factors to petition for sole custody is domestic abuse.

One thing should be very clear. Domestic violence is not a key factor in a divorce case because Michigan is a “no-fault divorce” state, but it is an important consideration for child custody and parenting time.

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In divorce proceedings, spouses frequently devise strategies to gain the upper hand. There will be complaints or charges of domestic abuse. It might or might not be true, but it does happen. Have an open and honest conversation with your attorney if any such abuse allegations do surface in your Michigan divorce case.

Click here to watch the video on How To Deal With False Domestic Abuse Claims In A Michigan Divorce 

In a Michigan divorce case, you must deal with fabricated domestic abuse allegations since they may have an impact on child custody. If these accusations turn out to be accurate, your lawyer can help you limit the impact by working with you. If not, your counsel can always file a motion to have the accusations dismissed.

Gender Equality: Women Can Be Guilty of Domestic Violence Too!

Domestic violence is a very serious legal issue. However, the way the system addresses this problem may have produced an even bigger threat associated with fabricated domestic abuse complaints. They frequently come up in divorce, separation, and custody battles as a way to gain tactical legal advantage.

Domestic violence is no longer gender specific. It is certainly no longer specific to women. The social stigma linked to violence inflicted by women on men, and the institutionalized bias against such accusations by law enforcement officials and the legal system itself, are some of the explanations given for why domestic violence instances involving women against men go unreported.

No matter how one feels about the debate on “who did what to whom more often”, the way the judicial system handles such allegations opens the door for parties in divorce and custody cases to abuse claims that aren’t true.

It’s critical for men in abusive relationships to understand that they are not on their own. More frequently than you may think, both in heterosexual and same-sex relationships, males are abused. Men from all backgrounds, regardless of age or profession, experience it. According to statistics, men may make up as many as one in three victims of domestic abuse.

However, men frequently hesitate to disclose abuse out of embarrassment, apprehension that they won’t be believed, or concern their partner will avenge them.

The Colossal Impact On Domestic Abuse to Child Custody and Parenting Time

A court’s determination that domestic violence has occurred has significant consequences. In the case of criminal offenses, jail time or monetary penalties may be assessed, and “no contact” orders may be issued, which may include compelling the offender to leave the family home or prohibiting contact between a parent and their child.

The repercussions are equally severe in civil cases such as divorce and child custody disputes. You may in one form or another start to experience legal difficulties.

A restraining order may be issued against you. A domestic abuse restraining order will contain a restriction barring the defendant from harming the victim in any way. It effectively keeps you away from your children.

When domestic abuse is suspected, the court will issue a restraining order forbidding the perpetrator from getting in touch with the victim either directly or indirectly, whether via phone, text, email, letters, or other means. No matter whether the victim initiates the contact or not, any breach of those restraining restrictions is illegal and punishable by incarceration.

A considerable number of states are already subscribing to a position related to domestic violence. No more physical custody of children for domestic abuse offenders. This compromises your ability and chances to pursue child custody.

Here’s another scenario happening. As part of a no-contact requirement for domestic violence restraining order, the accused abuser has restricted access to accusers’ premises or property.  This encompasses property owned or rented solely or by both of them. The order allows a police officer to go to the residence with a party to monitor the removal of a restricted amount of personal property.

It is frequently assumed that family law conflicts should not require mediation in cases of domestic abuse. Mediation is the one work around left for you may no longer be available to you.

Additionally, the issuance of a domestic violence restraining order could have an impact on other civil liberties. A domestic abuser, for instance, is not permitted to purchase or possess a handgun for any reason under the federal “Brady Bill.”

As a condition of restoring normal contact with his children, the Court may also order a defendant to take part in therapies such as anger management classes, drug and alcohol rehab, and other therapies.

A domestic violence restraining order frequently forbids the defendant from contacting any kids who may have seen the domestic abuse. As a result, there might be no parenting time or parenting time under supervision.

The stakes are exceedingly high when false abuse charges are made. Ironically, this is in contrast to the low standard of proof required for people seeking civil restraining orders in cases of domestic violence and the hurried nature of most hearings for such orders.

All of these legal entanglements can dramatically impact your position in child custody and parenting time negotiations.

False Domestic Abuse Claims Can Compromise Children Too

Even when an accusation is ultimately found to be untrue, years or even months of courtroom drama are frequently involved. Typically, the kids have heard one or both sides of what’s happening, and occasionally they have even been forced to participate in the fabrication of lies. When a minor child is subjected to emotional trauma as a result of a lawsuit based on false assertions, their life’s trajectory is frequently and irreparably altered.

The sad thing about false domestic abuse claims is, even when these accusations are discovered to be really false, months and even years of litigation have already come to pass. Children have already been subjected to the rigors and stress of the process.

Imagine in a case of falsely accusing a father of sexual abuse. The child will be subjected to the process reserve for rape victims. That child will be subjected to a rape or molestation examination by children’s hospital rape or molestation examiners. 

Imagine how it will be for a child who is instructed to fabricate evidence to favor one parent over the other and a child whose love is being bought by the accusing parent.

Imagine the circumstance of a child who is asked to fabricate evidence to police, and a child who as a consequence of these accusations will cause the arrest of her father. The child will carry the guilt of her father’s arrest for the rest of her life.

Not only will the child endure all that, the child will later on be stigmatized by guardian ad litem visits to their school.

A guardian ad litem is an attorney designated by the court to conduct an investigation and present the results and recommendations to the court is known as a guardian ad litem (or “GAL”). The child’s best interests are taken into consideration in the inquiry, report, and recommendations. The GAL represents the child and acts in his or her best interests. Every GAL has received training, education, and experience in relation to children’s needs.

Anyone under the age of 18, someone who is not legally competent (such as someone with a mental handicap), or someone who is incarcerated may also have a GAL appointed to represent them.

You have to think about the effect of painting another parent as a monster in the eyes of a child. Why would a parent do that? Isn’t all those mentioned above a form of child abuse?

Dealing With False Domestic Abuse Claims

The first thing to do is to start talking to your attorney. If you don’t have one yet, focus on getting the right person for the job. And then have a talk about the courses of action to take.

Talk about what you already know.

Give your attorney a background that can possibly be driving the accuser to make false statements or to lie. Any proof that a purported victim has a reason to lie is important. Independent evidence, such as letters, emails, or other documents from the victim threatening a custody dispute or suggesting they may claim abuse has occurred, is the most pertinent piece of information. Your attorney will be able to challenge general allegations with your information. Frequently, allegations of abuse are vague and broad, leaving out specific dates or times. Such claims can be contested as being too vague and insufficient to reach the standard of proof for demonstrating abuse happened by a preponderance of the evidence.

Recall possible witnesses.

Discuss with your attorney other people who may already know about the circumstances leading to the false accusations. When a divorce is imminent, it is usually a good idea to have impartial witnesses on hand when activities are scheduled that can potentially lead to confrontation. Even after a conflict, a witness can still be helpful by assessing the situation, looking for evident wounds, or assessing the behavior of the persons involved.

Check facts and inconsistencies.

Having a solid alibi for the incident would be the biggest contradiction. Is there independent proof that the accusations are false? Did you make a call at the disputed period that can be verified by telephone records or third parties? Do you have any store receipts, ATM receipts, work time sheets, or other documents that can show you were not available when the alleged abuse occurred? Discover any prospective witnesses who may have observed bruises or injuries from a domestic incident occurring prior to the claimed incidents?

Recall inconsistencies in behavior.

Who did the person contact after the reported abuse incidents? After the claimed abusive occurrences, did the victim permit parenting time? How long did it take from the claimed abuse episodes to the complaint to be made? After the reported abusive episodes, did the victim make the first friendly move? At the time of or soon after the claimed abuse incident, did the victim get in touch with anyone—police, parents, friends, or anyone else? When domestic violence is alleged, it may be important to emphasize the victim’s behavior was not consistent with how a victim would have responded.

Read the documents, check for inconsistencies.

The likelihood a person’s claims of abuse are inconsistent increases the more statements they make regarding the alleged assault. Point out to your attorney inconsistencies in the statements. Affidavits should be carefully compared to any police reports or other records available, including any statements found in child protection or medical treatment records.

Avoid fueling an already tense situation.

If you’re already facing a domestic abuse accusation, it is important to have the patience and restraint to lower the temperature of an already brewing marital conflict. If possible, remove yourself from situations creating conditions for confrontations. In terms of domestic abuse, keep in mind that what qualifies as a “threat of harm” is a matter of opinion. Even anything as benign as obstructing someone’s exit from a room so you can “talk about matters” might be regarded as domestic violence. It may be sufficient to create a semblance of domestic abuse by just jokingly tapping someone’s shoulder with a cellphone. These are impressions liable to be mislabeled as abuse.

Always remember people pushed to extremes can do so many crazy things like lying or making false accusations. You just need to have a very realistic approach to it rather than brushing them off. Your liberty and the welfare of your children might be at stake. It can severely affect your chances of a fair hearing when custody and parenting time negotiations come around.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel today for more advice on Family Law!

Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.