Statistics about divorces are frequently mentioned. People who should have divorced. People who could have divorced but didn’t make the decision to do so make up the numbers we don’t hear about. Are you in an abusive relationship and thinking about a divorce? Some people continue to be in a relationship despite the presence of abuse. They stay in a long-failed marriage without divorcing. No statistics exist for such kind of broken relationships.
Click here to watch the video Are You in an Abusive Relationship and Thinking About a Divorce in Michigan?
Do you currently have a spouse who physically and/or verbally abuses you? Do you frequently deal with domestic abuse or substance abuse? Save the marriage if you both feel strongly about each other. Work on your marriage if you value the other person. Take yourself out of the marriage if you don’t want to spend the next few years in an abusive relationship.
What is an abusive relationship?
The legal system and the courts in Michigan may have a different perspective of abuse from you. The correct phrase to use here is domestic abuse. What you’re experiencing right now might be classified as emotional and economic abuse. Most of the time, at least.
You may be a victim of abuse already. If you or someone you know has their freedom curtailed or is afraid of their partner. We wrote about abusive relationships before in our article, “Should I Get a Divorce If I’m in an Abusive Relationship in Michigan?”
Abusive spouses or partners use different techniques to exert control over their relationships. We have listed a few below from the article we mentioned above.
Physical Abuse
[ a ] Pushed, kicked, or shoved
[ b ] Smacked or bitten
[ c ] Strangled
[ d ] A blow or punch
[ e ] Home locked you out
[ f ] Refused assistance while unwell, hurt, or pregnant
[ g ] Use of a weapon against you
[ h ] Being physically restrained and prevented from leaving
[ i ] Things being thrown at you
[ j ] Abandoned in a perilous circumstance
Economic Abuse
[ a ] Denied use of credit cards, bank accounts, or vehicles
[ b ] The financial decisions are made jointly.
[ c ] Prevented from obtaining or maintaining employment, or from attending education
[ d] Restricts your ability to obtain dental, pharmaceutical, or health insurance
Sexual Abuse
[ a ] Forced to engage in or witness sexual activity
[ b ] Being forced into sexual activity or having sexual activity performed on you
[ c ] Forced to wear more provocative clothing than you’d like
[ d ] Forced to engage in sexual activity following a physical assault, when ill, or as a requirement of the relationship
Psychological & Emotional Abuse
[ a ] A threat to hurt you, your loved ones, or your pets
[ b ] Religion, sexual orientation, color, ethnicity, or beliefs are mocked
[ c ] Manipulated with falsehoods and inconsistencies
[ d ] Made to believe that you are responsible for the abuse
[ e ] Stalked
Let’s talk about this widespread subject of emotional abuse. It is frequently brought up during divorce discussions. Emotional abuse. Do you understand what you’re talking about?
The three most typical types of emotional abuse are projection, retribution, and gaslighting. All these forms of emotional abuse are easily concealable.
The abuser can avoid responsibility by denying reality. Questioning your sanity, or speaking lies.
Gaslighting is an intentional tactic used by abusers. It is shifting responsibility from themselves to the victim. It is very manipulative. And may have a detrimental psychological impact on the victim.
Normal people prefer to own up to their mistakes. Normal people genuinely work to reestablish happy relationships. In a relationship when there is emotional abuse, the abuser won’t accept accountability. They don’t take responsibility for their harmful reactions and intentional actions. They won’t change their behavior. They want to exercise control, not find constructive solutions to problems.
Although retribution can take many various forms, punishment is always at its core. It is a method of manipulation and persuasion. A harmful overshoot of what initially appears to be a boundary. Retribution happens when someone threatens to harm you. They do it if you do something they don’t like. You will suffer bodily or emotional harm at the hands of your abuser.
It might entail punishing a victim for defying the abuser’s commands. In an emotionally abusive relationship, retribution can be used to silence victims. Abusers keep you from seeing loved ones or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do.
An abuser engages in projection when they cast their unfavorable behavior onto another person.
Do you want to end the relationship, the marriage?
You might feel the impulse to find someone with whom to discuss how you feel about your relationship. You desire pain relief. You believe divorcing will fix it. Perhaps the closest you can come to having someone listen to you is discussing divorce. Discussing it with someone like an attorney.
It is a personal choice to seek divorce due to an abusive relationship. Abuse may be viewed differently by the courts. The courts and your lawyer can help you comprehend the law and the process. But, choosing to get a divorce is a decision that should be made before seeing a lawyer.
Don’t consider divorcing while you’re at your lowest. First, look at the reality of how you’re feeling right now. Find clarity.
You hooked up for a purpose. This person you call your spouse must have been wonderful for a while back then. When you two first started this thing called marriage, you two seemed to connect. Maybe you’re both worn out.
It all started when you had children. A child is a natural thing to have. But child-rearing requires hard labor because they need care and attention. It may be draining. Remove your weary and resentful thoughts before looking at your partner. For a time, be silent. You still adore that person.
In your marriage, there is still love and respect. You two are willing to hang out together. Both of you have respect. There is still an open line of communication between you and your spouse.
Do you find it hard to see your life without your partner? With you, no one else can feel that level of comfort. Perhaps your problems don’t genuinely stem from your relationship. The problems have nothing to do with your marriage or your relationship.
Do you still hold marriage in high respect in your quiet moments? Do you think there is a total commitment? Maybe you’re doubting your judgment.
Do you still want to make improvements to your marriage? Do you still want it despite all the pain and difficulties?
Divorce may be a preferable choice if the majority of the questions listed above have no for an answer.
Now, do you have clarity?
How do you prepare for divorce?
You now have a clear understanding of what you want your divorce to look like. You must now get ready to collaborate with your lawyer. You must set the tone for how your divorce will be handled. Have a vision of the results you desire, but you must also be ready for the process.
Be careful how you act and behave, especially around your family.
You don’t know how people who are close to you will feel. It’s hard to guess how they will feel once they learn about your decision to get divorced. Or how they will respond to you. You will be making decisions both before and after filing for divorce. Think about moving forward with considerable care. Being mindful of your actions is essential. Anything that can be construed as disrespectful behavior can be used against you in court. This is extremely important if child custody is an issue in your case.
Refrain from seeking a new relationship. Think about spending productive time with friends and quality time with family. Keep it up until the divorce is final. Take care of your physical and mental needs while being close to home. Being prepared can help the tough process go more easily. It will be good for everyone involved, even if divorce is never going to be easy. Staying connected to the outside world will benefit you.
Find an attorney and discuss your vision.
If you and your spouse can settle your disputes amicably, it’s easier and less expensive. If that isn’t possible, be sure you have an attorney who can take your case to court and is willing to do so. You want a lawyer who recognizes the benefits of settling quickly. You need an attorney who is also willing to defend you if required. Get an attorney who shares your perspective on life. Your expectations for your marriage following divorce.
Your divorce attorney will explain the Michigan divorce process to you. Your attorney will talk about some items you will need to prepare for this process.
Take stock of your personal and marital finances.
Get a thorough understanding of both your and your spouse’s financial circumstances. One of the primary goals of the divorce procedure is to divide the couple’s assets and debts equally. Get your fair share during divorce settlement negotiations. It’s imperative to have a complete awareness of your finances.
First, determine what you have. Some marital items are easily identifiable. Your home, any financial accounts, and your vehicle are assets. They should be equally shared. Other less evident assets may include inheritances. This includes marital property acquired during the union and works of art if any.
Check the status of your credit.
Purchasing a home or car after a divorce may be difficult. You may have shared credit with your spouse for many years. It’s critical to build your own and improve your credit score as a result. Consider establishing credit in your name before filing for divorce. A quick and simple approach to do this is to apply for a credit card in your name only.
Examine your shared funds and assets to protect your share.
It’s not uncommon for a spouse to steal money from accounts when they learn that a divorce is about to happen. When there is a contested divorce, it may be done under the advice of an attorney or done in an episode of wrath. Regardless of the circumstance, you should take precautions to protect yourself. Make sure your spouse cannot access any joint accounts you may have. You can protect yourself by opening accounts in your name only. Withdrawing only half the money from the joint accounts. Transferring only half into your new accounts.
While it’s not necessary to keep it a secret, you should still be careful with how you use the money. Keep careful and detailed records of every dollar you spend using the new account. You may have to defend your actions in court or during settlement negotiations.
You have the option to freeze accounts if you have savings or money market accounts. Or any other types of investment accounts. This should lower concerns about your spouse tampering with them. Before doing anything with joint financial accounts, you should seek legal advice.
Close and settle any joint credit cards.
Before getting divorced, if at all possible, pay off and close all joint credit accounts. You can stop your spouse from using the account. You won’t be racking up expenses you might later be held accountable for by canceling it. Cancel them before the divorce process gets underway.
If you are unable to settle the obligations in full or pay them off, you should have the accounts frozen. This will ultimately keep you safe even though you won’t be able to use the account.
Inform all your creditors of your divorce by contacting them. You have to continue receiving bills from all joint accounts. Make sure you inform creditors of any changes in your mailing address.
Ensure that you have paid all credit card bills. A single late payment can ruin your credit, even though the divorce procedure can take months. Keep paying. Even minimum payments on the accounts that you know your spouse will ultimately be in charge of. It will prove to be worthwhile later.
Organize your tax information and supporting paperwork.
Before you may apply for divorce, you must provide evidence of both your income and that of your spouse. For salaried employees, you will need a copy of your most recent income tax return as well as your pay stubs.
Calculating your income can be a little more difficult if you or your spouse are self-employed. Have copies of the business’s financial records and bank account records. This will provide you with a clear picture of the income in this circumstance. Making copies of these statements is a smart idea. Have it before submitting a divorce petition. Gather all the information you can, even if it’s just an estimate of your spouse’s actual income. Your attorney will be able to help you with the remaining facts.
Consider the possibilities of remaining in or leaving your marital home.
Living in an abusive environment? It’s usually in your best interest to wait to leave your home until the divorce proceedings are over. Even if you might be prepared to live away from your spouse, there are a few reasons to stay.
The first thing is that leaving the house may make you less interested in it. When determining how to divide the property, a judge may take into account the fact that you moved out. More so while the divorce was pending and your husband continued to pay the mortgage. If things get too challenging and you feel the need to move, keep paying a part of the mortgage. Make sure to record each mortgage payment you make, though.
Your school-age children need stability. You may want to be able to continue in your family home until they complete their schooling. The last thing you want to do is abandon the home in this phase in your life. Your spouse’s salary might be larger than yours. You may desire to have your spouse pay the mortgage in full or in part after you separate. You might not be able to negotiate to keep the house once you leave.
In essence, leaving the house can be bad for your situation. Don’t do so without first consulting your lawyer. A judge in some jurisdictions might consider your lawyer’s action. Particularly for temporary possession of the marital home pending divorce court. You can discuss this decision for temporary possession with your lawyer.
You must take whatever precautions are required to protect yourself. Especially if there is domestic abuse. You might be unable to secure an order of temporary possession. Leave the house if you believe your safety is in jeopardy. If there was a history of domestic violence, speak with your attorney. Your attorney may be able to lawfully remove your spouse from your home.
Be prepared for your future living expenses.
You decide how much money you’ll need to survive following your divorce. It’s time to estimate your future living costs. Divorce is an enormous life change, your income might significantly decline. Creating your post-divorce budget is the fun part. Making a budget now is better than waiting. You might find yourself suddenly saddled with debt.
Like you would with any budget, you may start by estimating your spending. This gives you an idea of how much money you would need to support yourself. It will help you negotiate the terms of your divorce settlement. Understanding your financial needs will enable you to check your settlement options. Decide what you might ask for in court.
Now think about your abusive relationship again. Are you still thinking of divorce?
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.