Custody Narcissistic Parent
Narcissist. This is a label. Humans give behavior names. Having child custody with a narcissistic parent. The label doesn’t matter. The court is more concerned about improper conduct. Bad habits influence or have an impact on children. The behavior of the parents is not a big deal to the court, but there are exceptions.��
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Courts don’t tolerate behavior that has a serious influence on children. Bad behavior needs to be addressed and discussed with your lawyer. Such improper conduct should be reported to the court by the attorney. Courts weigh out custody-related issues. Bad parent behavior can be a main topic of conversation. The court ensures the children are in nurturing environments. It advances their welfare.
What is a narcissistic parent? What is a narcissistic personality disorder?
A narcissist is someone who is very self-centered. Narcissistic persons have charm and a high level of functionality. They struggle with emotions of entitlement and superiority. It makes them desire to be the center of attention. They exploit people, even family members to meet their desires. They demand undue acclaim.
Narcissists lack empathy. It is among the biggest problems people in relationships with them face. Narcissists struggle to comprehend how others could feel. They are unaware of their selfish actions when they take them. When they are at fault, they resist or refuse to accept responsibility. They can’t take responsibility for their actions. Their arrogance leads them to place blame on others.
A narcissistic parent is someone who competes with their children on a certain level. They live through them and/or are possessive of them. The narcissistic parent views a child’s independence including that of adult children as a threat. It forces the child to live in the shadow of the parent by placing unreasonably high demands on them. The child is rarely accepted for who she or he is in a narcissistic parental relationship.
NPD, sometimes known as a narcissistic personality disorder, affects people. Some of them are narcissists (in varied degrees). There’s a distinction in frequency, intensity, and length of time defining a spectrum. Narcissistic behaviors are exhibited in degrees. It separates narcissism from a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists occasionally engage in milder forms of NPD behavior. Those who suffer from NPG engage in more extreme forms, taking advantage of others for their own gain.��
People with NPD have an exaggerated feeling of their own significance. A strong desire for admiration. People with NPD exhibit little regard for other people’s feelings. They have a sense of superiority. But, this extremely confident veneer conceals a weak sense of self that is easily damaged.
There’s a tremendous irony in NPD. It is more common in men. It seemingly appears to be the epitome of ultimate self-confidence. The seeming self-assurance that NPD sufferers display is actually a fa��ade. It is covering up deep emotions of shame and low self-worth. Narcissists are fundamentally insecure people. They become angry at even the smallest imagined slight.
Those with NPD find it challenging to maintain healthy family relationships. Their haughtiness, grandiosity, and lack of empathy alienate loved ones, friends, and coworkers. People with narcissistic personality disorder purposefully take advantage of others for their own gain. They have a propensity for at least one of the following behaviors. It can be demeaning others, lying, attention-seeking, manipulating, and breaking rules.
It’s critical to distinguish between some parent-centric behaviors and persistent narcissistic parenting. Many parents have unusually high expectations for their children. They are sometimes strict like when a child is acting destructively. They want their children to live up to those standards and make them proud. These characteristics don’t all add up to pathological narcissism. A narcissistic parent stands out for having widespread propensities. They tend to deny their children a feeling of independent selfhood, even as adults. The child just exists to fulfill the parent’s nefarious demands and schemes.
How does narcissism or NPD affect children?
Children of narcissists may hold back on expressing their deepest needs and longings. It is out of fear of provoking anger or punishment. They frequently bury their thoughts and feelings. They believe by doing so they preserve emotional stability at home. They have learned their needs and desires are unimportant. Trivial when compared to their narcissistic parents. Children of narcissists usually have poor self-worth. They have to endure criticism and have taken a backseat to a selfish parent. Their unstated credo is “I’m not good enough.” Children of narcissistic parents twist themselves into knots. A result of appeasing narcissistic parents, which causes anxiety and sadness.��
Children of narcissists experience codependency. Their upbringing by a parent whose feelings and needs���especially emotional needs���always come first. They choose taking care of others over taking care of themselves. They struggle to establish appropriate boundaries as they grow up. Children feel responsible for their parents’ demands. They put a lot of effort into making others happy at the expense of their own needs.
Children of narcissistic parents lack positive self-images. They are valued more for their accomplishments than for who they are. A narcissistic parent uses up most of the energy in their space. They might feel invisible and have no awareness of their own needs. Deceived or manipulated by a narcissistic parent, a child believes in a false world. They may also struggle with self-doubt and never trust their own emotions.��
Every individual is unique. Children process the impacts of having a narcissistic parent differently. Adult children of narcissists frequently exhibit an uneasy attachment to their romantic partnerships. Some people isolate others through avoidant attachment. Others turn away from emotional contact altogether in response to narcissistic parenting. Some adult children of narcissists experience an intense desire for attention. These adult children form uneasy attachments. Adult children who are particularly perceptive can be excessively people-pleasing. They center their existence around the wants of others.����
Adult children with higher levels of aggression may imitate their narcissistic parents’ behavior. Without early help, children run the risk of becoming narcissistic themselves. They will be passing such qualities down to the following generation.
You have a narcissistic co-parent. What can you do?
Look at your children’s behavior patterns. Check how your co-parent’s narcissistic behaviors are affecting them. Ask to be in different rooms during hearings. Certain jurisdiction requires it of all parties involved in custody battles. Be certain beforehand that the mediator can identify the narcissist as such. Find out if a report will be provided by the mediator. Check to see if you can get a different mediator. End the procedure if the mediator appears to be being controlled. The mediator can be manipulated by the narcissist.
With a narcissist, you can never prevail in an argument. They cannot permit it. It will simply make you angry and frustrated. They will then use your exhibited emotions against you. They start saying you are emotionally unstable.
They’ll keep trying to influence the situation and cause delays while blaming you. They’ll try to make themselves look better. They will be exaggerating their actions. They can make you look like a controlling, unstable parent. A divided 50/50 custody arrangement may be a success for a narcissistic parent. It can be a crushing and agonizing defeat for you. It offers narcissistic co-parent continuous interaction with you and your children. They’ll also use the money to threaten and influence you.
Amidst this manipulation, machinations, and lies what can you do? What steps can you take as a co-parent against a narcissistic parent or one with NPD?
[ a ]�� Don’t let the narcissist’s narrative or interpretation of the facts prevail. Every deception, including those in emails and messages, should be met with the truth. Keep in mind that every text or email you send can be used against you in court.��
[ b ]�� Keep all your records. Records can mean calendars, transcripts, images, films, and medical appointments. They will aid in your memory of specifics.
[ c ]�� Maintain a journal detailing the events of the conflict. Write as though it were being read aloud in court. These records could be “found” by the opposing side.
[ d ]�� Just the facts should be used in texts and emails. Do not discuss anything other than the needs of the kids. Everything untrue should be denied. Without anger, deny. I do not accept or acknowledge your version of these events, just say that. Be careful to respond strategically rather than emotionally. Remember this when speaking with your narcissistic co-parent. Keep in mind that whatever you say may be recorded. Before responding to voicemails, emails, and texts, prepare your response. Avoid arguments and don’t fall for their traps when they try to rile you up.
[ e ]�� Avoid adding more hostility to written responses. Avoid making e-bombs or electronic bombs that can be used against you later. Maintain a direct line of communication with the narcissist. Always be cautious, respectful, and collected. Take extra care in paying attention to the needs of the children.
[ f ]�� Don’t leave unpleasant voicemails on the narcissist’s line. Narcissistic parents believe they are above the law. They are known for lying. Narcissists have no issue lying in court. They might make up a story about anything you said or dispute the existence of any communication at all. Consider just using text or email to connect with your ex so you can have a verbatim record of every exchange.
[ g ]�� Consider altering a weekend for a special occasion when it is ideal for the children.
[ h ]�� Make an effort to keep your children out of the conflict. Even if you are in the right, don’t have them in the middle of an arm-pulling exercise.
[ i ]�� Request that the court or an expert in the case hold the children’s passports. Add the children’s names to the State Department watch list.
The narcissist may take matters into their own hands if they fear losing in court. Pay close attention now more than ever. You might need to defend both yourself and your children right this very moment. Talk to your lawyer about the other legal means you can protect yourself.
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.