Both parents have equal chances of gaining and losing custody. The mother by default has custody of the children. A father earns it by marriage or by establishing paternity. How can a father lose custody?
Click here to watch the video on How a Father Can Lose a Custody Battle in Michigan?
A surefire way to lose custody is to appear in court while intoxicated or high. Another behavior is to alienate the other parent in front of the children. You shouldn’t involve your kids in the divorce proceedings in court. You must protect your kids from the strain and suffering of a divorce. The day you start alienating your ex-spouse may be the day you start to lose custody.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation describes the collapse of children’s relationship with one of their parents. This collapse does not show any good reason for it. One parent is usually blamed for the perceived parental alienation.
If you’re a father, you have to read this.
Parental alienation is a type of family estrangement. It is when members of a family become estranged from one another for no clear reason. A child shows an unreasonable preference for one parent. A child avoiding one parent is usually not talked about as parental alienation. It can exist between a parent and child for other reasons.
The concept of estrangement comes in two broad categories:
Justified parental estrangement. A child rejects the parent’s destructive or abusive behavior. Examples of this behavior are drug use, neglect, or desertion, among other things.
Parental alienation. Parental alienation occurs when a child identifies with one parent’s behavior. The child strongly identifies with that parent. and rejects the other without good reason. Here’s the distinction. The child’s rejection has nothing to do with anything the rejected parent has done.
We posted an article about parents losing custody, 3 Reasons Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids In Michigan. In that article one of three reasons for losing custody is alienating the other parent.
Parents can show parental alienation through certain behaviors like:
[ a ] Badmouthing the other parent.
[ b ] Informing children the other parent does not want to visit them.
[ c ] Obstructing parenting time.
[ d ] Putting the blame for the divorce on the other parent.
Parental alienation is often accompanied by narcissistic or borderline behaviors. Self-centeredness and weakness in listening to others’ contrasting viewpoints. These are two characteristics of narcissistic people. Narcissists place a strong emphasis on their own desires, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. They disregard the goals and viewpoints of others.
A parent who is more narcissistic and who alienates children may try to “destroy” the other parent. They do this by using the kids as tools or pawns in the conflict. These people assert they are defending the children from the “evil” other. They show little regard for what is in the best interests of the child. Narcissists use the children in their never-ending battle to harm the other parent.
Fathers are often the parents who experience parental alienation. Mothers can also experience it, and it does happen. The children are the ones that suffer the most, regardless of which parent is to blame for the alienation. This kind of severe emotional abuse can damage the bond between parents and children. It can persist for the rest of the child’s life.
We have described what parental alienation looks like. Are you manifesting any of the above behaviors? For your sake and your custody case, we hope you are not.
What is the effect of parental alienation on children?
Having both parents around generates a lot of benefits for children. One parent criticizing the other does not create a gain for anyone. It’s actually the opposite. The aftermath of divorce hurt children. They suffer when their parents involve them in their power struggles. Parents with vengeful goals are oblivious to the needs of their children. Children suffer when parents use them and focus only on their personal goals. It is a form of abuse.
Parental alienation has terrible psychological, behavioral, and spiritual impacts on children. Denying contact with the alienated parent amounts to cruel and unusual punishment. It affects both the parent and the child even in the absence of abuse or neglect.
Parental alienation is a severe child protection issue. It violates a fundamental tenet of children’s social justice. Children have the right to know. They deserve to be cared for by both parents.
The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts conducted a survey at their conference. The survey in their 2014 conference polled respondents about parental alienation. Ninety-eight percent of respondents agreed children might be persuaded to reject a parent. The parent who doesn’t deserve it.
Research shows a sizable fraction of parents in high-conflict custody disputes suffer. It creates psychopathology and personality problems.
This leads to the familial dynamics below:
(1) The dynamics also strain the relationship of the alienating parent with the child.
(2) The need of the child for a relationship with both parents is not acknowledged, and
(3) The alienating parent distorts and paints an unfavorable view of the other parent.
Parental alienation affects at least 3.9 million children in the United States. Data show they are “moderately to severely” alienated from a parent. This is according to The Parental Alienation Study Group. We have three times more parent-alienated children in the United States than there are autistic children.
How can you be the better man in your custody battle?
We have always mentioned this biased of the Michigan courts for children’s well-being. The courts want both parents to be around their children if possible. Don’t attack or compromise the relationship of your ex-spouse with your children. By doing so, you also compromise stability in their lives.
Fathers must represent strength, not aggressiveness. You can manifest strength in so many ways. Alienating your ex-spouse does not do it.
Long story short: avoid alienating your ex-spouse. Don’t put yourself in situations that get you branded as an unfit parent. Never criticize your partner in front of your children. Don’t involve the children in your and your former spouse’s disagreement. It is bad for their young psyches and makes the process challenging for them. It might be challenging to control your dissatisfaction. Or even your rage. More so when you must contend with a vengeful spouse or an ex with malicious spouse syndrome.
It can be challenging to put yourself in check. It is a must to maintain emotional control in stressful situations. A divorce or a child custody dispute can be a stressor. The urge to give in to your emotions and explode in a fit of rage could be strong, but you must resist it.
Courts will not award custody to a parent exhibiting strong, uncontrolled emotions. particularly ones like rage. Not in Michigan. Even if your spouse is enraged and spiteful, it is best to refrain from responding. Don’t respond in kind since doing so will only make things worse for you.
One parent’s alienating sentiments can also end in emotional estrangement. It can be worse because it occurs when a child begins to prefer a parent-free home. The courts have a zero-tolerance policy for this conduct. It will severely admonish any parent who engages in it.
No matter how little you think the other parent has done to deserve it, treat them with respect. Honorable conduct will not only assist in the protection of your child. It gives the court the opportunity to see why you are the best individual to advocate on their behalf. It’s not appropriate to demonize or criticize your spouse in front of other people.
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.