The ideal time to handle custody is before the holidays. During the holidays, being with one another is great. However, you should keep in mind that things will be different now that the divorce and custody process is proceeding. Separation of the parents will follow. They may establish new relationships. Now, parents will have a significant other in their lives.
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It might be impossible for the family to come together anymore. How are you going to incorporate this situation into the children’s daily schedule going forward? The moment is now to begin a new arrangement with the children.
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce for many parents is notifying their children that they are going through a divorce. Children depend on their parents for security, and a divorce invariably upends the established family structure a child has grown to rely on. However, it is also a very significant dialogue since it allows parents the chance to try to set the stage for a sound new beginning for the entire family.
When Is the Best Time to File a Child Custody Case? Before or After the Holidays?
Since child custody is always tied to your divorce case, the question is similar to asking when is the best time to file a divorce. Is it before or after the holidays? We answered this question in an article entitled, “Should I Start My Divorce Before the Holidays In Michigan”. In that article, we pointed out that the sooner you start, the sooner you can bring your divorce to your desired conclusion.
Since child custody is a major discussion point during a divorce followed by child support, it goes without saying that once the divorce complaint is filed, questions about child custody will be raised. The questions will be raised by the children.
In a way, it won’t matter if child custody will come before or after the holidays. Once you have made a decision about divorce, whatever comes after will change the rest of all your life.
All of your lives: yours, your spouse, and of course your children’s.
It’s time to prepare them for what is about to happen for the rest of their lives.
What Will I Tell the Children? How Will I Talk to Them About Divorce and Custody?
Divorce is challenging for the couple going through it, but the children involved may experience it as being even more challenging. The advantages that adults going through a divorce have, such as understanding why the divorce is taking place, are not available to children. It is crucial to know what to do to allay your children’s concerns and anxieties regarding your divorce and to properly prepare them for it.
The following are some crucial pointers to keep in mind while discussing divorce with your kids in order to assist them to grasp the situation and make it easier for them.
Get Your Timing Right
You shouldn’t tell your children that you and your spouse are divorcing in the few minutes you have left before you have to leave for hockey practice or a ballet rehearsal. Pick a time when there are no other commitments so that everyone can concentrate on the discussion and leave time for questions to be posed and answered.
Plan Your Talk
You should not wing it during a chat regarding divorce. Plan what you will say to the children together with your spouse. If you and your partner have tense feelings toward one another, doing this could be challenging, but it is crucial. Do not forget to discuss the reasons why you must part ways, the strategy for the future, and numerous instances of how much you and your spouse value the children.
Tell Everyone All at Once
You could assume that notifying the oldest child and letting them tell the younger ones will lessen the blow. It will, however, do the complete opposite. Without direct contact with their parents, children may feel ignored and excluded, which will hinder dialogue and complicate the process for everyone.
Welcome Queries
When you inform your children about the divorce, they will have many questions. They might be concerned about who will have the children and where they will live, whether they can continue going to their current school, and whether they can still see their friends. It’s crucial that you not only make an effort to lessen the effects on the children but also respond to all of their inquiries in the frankest and open manner as you are able.
Don’t Badmouth Your Spouse
When both parents accept responsibility for their roles in the marriage’s dissolution, children are more likely to comprehend the need for divorce. Avoid placing blame on one another, and make sure the kids understand it’s not their fault because they frequently think it is.
What Divorcing Parents Should Know About Child Custody?
Before you consider divorce and the subsequent child custody case usually coming after, consider what we now know about child custody in the United States.
Here are some data you should know about child custody cases gathered from statistics in different states:
[ a ] There are around 12.9 million custodial parents in the US. About 4% of Americans fall into the category.
[ b ] In 2018, there were more than one-quarter of all children under the age of 21 (26.5%) had a parent who did not reside with them. That equates to about 21.9 million kids. For Black children, the ratio was higher—nearly 49% of them had a parent who didn’t live with them.
[ c ] A parent’s absence increased the likelihood that a child would live in poverty. In actuality, about 30.1% of these kids lived in poverty, which is over three times the proportion of 11.1% for kids living in two-parent households.
[ d ] In 2017, slightly more than half (51.4%) of custodial moms worked year-round, full-time jobs, while 21.6% were unemployed.
[ e ] 74.3 percent of custodial fathers worked full-time, year-round in 2017, compared to 9.2 percent who did not work at all during the year.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Custody?
Who is more likely to have custody of their child? According to 2020 research by the U.S. Census Bureau, below are a few instances:
[ a ] 40 or older is the average age of custodial mothers or 41.6%. Custodial dads saw a greater percentage, at 54.6%.
[ b ] Non-Hispanic white men make up 62.9% of custodial fathers. Custodial fathers were less likely to be Black and more likely to fall into this category than moms.
[ c ] Non-Hispanic white women make up 44.2% of custodial mothers in the United States.
[ d ] Custodial mothers made up 40.4% of the population.
[ e ] Custodial fathers who have never been married make up 29.3%.
[ f ] By 2020, 3.3 million fathers will have primary custody of their children.
If you’re still contemplating divorce and child custody, think some more. When you have finally made up your mind, call your attorney. Your attorney will probably ask you to contemplate even more.
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Goldman & Associates Law Firm is here to with information about Child Custody and Divorce in the State of Michigan.